THE boss thinks he’s a confident go-getter, yet the rest of the office are of the opinion that he’s an arrogant, work-shy shambles.
Sound familiar? In the workplace, it’s easy to see how colleagues’ self-image often falls short of reality.
To find out whether I’m just as bad as the rest – and how I can improve my office image – I embark on a taster session at Personal Presentation.
Founded in 1989 by actress Julia Goodman, the company aims to help business people learn how to communicate more effectively.
Using a programme called You Brand, Goodman and the team analyse their clients’ strengths and weaknesses to see how people can improve in their work (and personal) lives.
Walking into the meeting room, I’m full of trepidation. What if I’m told everyone at work probably hates me?
After a brief chat with my mentor, Goodman, she says: “You’re very different from the way you come across on the phone.”
No further information offered. I’m left wondering whether I’m better in person or not.
Forcing the question to the back of my mind, I focus on the job at hand, and I’m soon put at ease. There will be no major criticisms of my personality here, just a few home truths about the way I present myself.
Goodman explains why it’s important to address this.
“When we meet people, the first impression is vital,” she says.
“Around 60% of our opinion of someone is based on their appearance. A further 30% comes from how they sound. This 90% overly influences the remaining 10% of what the person actually says. This means emotionally-driven judgments are made before you even speak.”
With this in mind, we get started on how I come across. Focusing on my body language, Goodman tells me I’m good at keeping up eye contact and making good facial expressions. However, I’m reluctant to use my arms to make gestures – which, in turn, would help make what I’m saying sound more believable. On top of this, I talk far too fast.
Carrying out exercises to help change my body language, I’m soon flinging out my arms when I want to make a point – plus I’ve slowed down my speech.
“You’re an introvert,” Goodman says.
This comes as quite a shock. I’ve always thought myself to be an outgoing team member who, if anything, needs a quick shove to stop talking.
However, Goodman quickly adds: “This means you’ll be fine standing on a stage addressing lots of people, but would struggle in an intimate business setting.”
Next, we move on to how work-based relationships can be improved. Goodman uses famous psychotherapist Eric Berne’s transactional-analysis model to look at behaviour.
This involves realising that, in ourselves, we have parent, adult and child ego states. The parent acts as the voice of authority; the child is how we respond to the authority, and the adult is how these family figures manifest themselves.
So if you are far too critical of yourself and tell yourself off, the “child” in you may respond by either acting submissively or aggressively. However, if your “parent” is overly nurturing, you may either rely on them too much and not take responsibility for your actions, or take advantage of the situation.
Goodman says the same can take place in the workplace. Think you are aggressive? Is it the way your manager is speaking negatively to you? Perhaps you are not achieving what you should do – in which case, is it because you always rely on colleagues to correct your mistakes?
Goodman says the key to a good work life is to take control of situations. That way, it’s possible to respond in the appropriate way and build on your personality to ensure that the right impression is made.
“Stop second-guessing other people’s opinions. You can only control your own responses,” Goodman tells me.
By the end of the three-hour session, I’m more vocal, standing up for myself as well as understanding when it’s better to say nothing at all.
The experience has been worthwhile and I feel as if my “brand” has been well and truly developed.
1 Seek good, honest feedback. Ask the question, “How do I come over?”.
2 Have a plan. Think “How do I want to be received?”.
3 Check your feelings. If they are negative in any way – for example, fearful, bored, resentful, tired – look in the mirror and see how it is reflected. Say with plenty of energy, “I am OK and all is well”. Then get energised. Try running on the spot – this will help take away the negative feelings.
4 Remember that other people are not responsible for your feelings – they are your own.
5 See where someone else is coming from and realise that you are not responsible for other people.
6 Pause and listen to check what the mood is. Have you given yourself time to read the situation? Consider whether you need to stay quiet or take control.
7 Remember that we don’t remember what is said, how we look or sound, only how we feel. That is how a You Brand person achieves recognition – by how they are remembered and the positive way they make people feel.
For further details about Personal Presentation, visit www.personal presentation.co.uk