Mother’s Day is a wonderful idea, Father’s Day also; but what about Daughter’s Day? It’s a question I ask myself every year, on both parental Sundays. So far the only reason I can think of is that whoever arbitrarily names, dates and markets special occasions for the modern consumer has yet to think of it. It’s bound to be a money-spinner, and for that reason, I have patented Daughter’s Day and plan to launch it early in the summer.
It won’t be a Sunday – already too oversubscribed with special occasions – but a Saturday. I think it is important for the daughters of the world to be granted a lie-in after their special day of self-celebration, which will traditionally involve champagne cocktails and dancing the night away.
And before you try to lay claim to all manner of other family days, don’t bother. I’ve patented everything from Brother’s Day to Sister’s-in-Law Day, to Annual Second Cousin on your Mum’s Side by Marriage Day, and of course, Son Day – which will also be a Saturday, in accordance with Daughter’s Day and all non-parental immediate family days, bar Middle Child Day (a Wednesday, of course).
A quick google tells me that some trendsetter from the Neolithic age began the Mothering Sunday tradition circa 2500 BC. It was later adopted in the 16th century AD as a Christian festival, and then in the 20th century as a secular celebration of motherhood. Festivals of motherhood have existed since the dawn of civilisation.
Father’s Day is a more recent tradition, inaugurated in the early 20th century in America to complement the American “Mother’s Day” – which, unlike Mothering Sunday (keep up), also has its origins in the early 20th century.
The fact that it takes a whole century for someone (me) to come up with Daughter’s Day, and all the other family days, betrays a lack of vision from the powers that be – that is to say, those authorised to launch annual festivals.
However, thanks to the internet, we no longer have to defer to some faceless authority on special occasions, or wait for big organisations, companies, charities or publications to take the initiative. The internet now provides a vast, democratic forum where anyone with a blog, myspace page, website, Twitter or Facebook account can launch festivals, clubs, appreciation societies, political parties, languages, planets – you name it and someone will dedicate a Facebook group to it.
Recently on Facebook, Celebrity Doppelganger week saw members swap their profile pictures to that of a famous person whom they had been told they looked like. Eschewing comparisons recently made to the nest-haired comedy pianist, Tim Minchin, I plumped instead for Jodie Foster, whom a few people have told me I look a wee bit like.
In reality, Jodie is about three foot four and built like a sparrow, so at five foot eight with a broad-set frame, I would dwarf the toy-sized star. If you stood us side by side we’d look like ill-matched Russian dolls. Or Gandalf and Frodo – the resemblance after all is only vague. Tim Minchin and I, however, could easily have shared a womb.
If you are a member of Equity (actor’s union), you get a diary which details annual festivals the world over. Besides Mother’s Day, my Equity diary tells me we have the mighty St Patrick’s Day coming up on Wednesday, Independence Day, Greece the following Thursday, and four plump days of Easter the weekend after that.
In my opinion, you can never have too many special occasions. Every day should be special in some way. The secret to retaining the specialness of occasions is not by reducing their number to a select biblical few, but by having as many and as wide a range as possible. Whereas I don’t wish it could be Christmas every day, I would happily celebrate something new on a daily/weekly/fortnightly basis – however arbitrary.
Besides all the tried and tested festivals and special occasions – from April Fools’ Day to Halloween and National Ginger Day – I would like to introduce some new ones, and promote existing but perhaps undersubscribed days of awareness and celebration.
National Duvet Day is a long-overdue addition to the public calendar. As part of my special occasions patenting spree, I bought the rights to National Duvet Day and plan to launch it later this year – probably in the winter when days of staying in and watching comfort TV under the warmth of your beloved duvet most appeal.
International Random Acts of Kindness Day (or week – haven’t decided yet) is another festival soon to be added to the public diary. This must be strictly observed by all societies everywhere, to ensure that everyone can perform and receive random acts of kindness without suspecting insanity or sinister motives. Besides restoring faith in common humanity, this should inspire the world at large to think of as many new and innovative ways to be kind to each other and to experience the joys that lie therein.
National Star Wars Day, May the 4th (be with you) is an existing but undersubscribed annual festival, which not only celebrates the legacy of the George Lucas movies, but promotes friendly interaction with the police. We could all benefit from forging closer relations with “the force” while debating the comparative merits of Empire Strikes Back versus Phantom Menace.
I would, however, draw the line at National Hug a Copper Day. Hug a Hoodie or Hug a Tory MSP Days are equally ill advised. Unless you know people, I think it best not to enter into something as intimate as a hug with them. Issues of personal space, and taste, aside, there are too many people and not enough time to hug them all. The fairest thing to do is reserve hugging for friends, family, lovers, and anyone working in theatre, film and television.
And finally, in the spirit of every day being special, I hereby launch National P&J Readers Appreciation Day. Please celebrate accordingly (with champagne cocktails, obviously).