Jokes about Donald Trump, Brexit and Love Island have been named as some of the best new topical Christmas cracker gags of 2018.
Members of the British public were tasked with submitting original, modern jokes for a competition run by TV channel Gold, which were then sent out to an anonymous public vote of 2,000 adults to choose the best.
The overall winning joke that could make eyes roll across the nation’s Christmas dinner tables focused on the US president.
The wisecrack, penned by Michael Hughes, reads: “What does Donald Trump do after he pulls a cracker? Pays her off.”
Mr Hughes received £1,500 towards a holiday as a prize, as well as a box of bespoke Gold Christmas crackers, one of which contains his own joke.
Another joke about Mr Trump poked fun at his friendship with Kanye West.
The joke reads: “Why did Donald Trump invite Kanye West round to help with his Christmas presents? Because Kanye is Trump’s favourite wrapper.”
Theresa May did not escape being wittily dragged down in a gag of her own, which was number two on the overall list of the 15 top quips.
It reads: “Why is Theresa May encouraging board games at Christmas? Because she’s trying to bring back Chequers.”
Brexit was understandably a topic of choice for many of those who submitted entries, with another gag reading: “Why has Boris Johnson bought mistletoe this year? Because he’s tired of being in the single market.”
And reality TV series Love Island also gave others some comedic inspiration.
Number six on the list was the joke: “What’s the difference between the Love Island villa and the stable where Jesus was born? The stable has had some wise men in it.”
Other gags centred on the royal family, the dance craze flossing, Network Rail and Kim Kardashian.
Bruce Dessau, comedy critic and head of the judging panel, said: “One thing that can be relied upon in increasingly unpredictable times is that whatever is going on in the world the great British public will always retain their sense of humour.
“From subjects ranging from Brexit and Meghan Markle to flossing and Love Island, there are jokes here to tickle the funny bones of any Yuletide grinch.
“And the joke that was chosen as number one shows it’s definitely a case of Top Trumps for Christmas this year.”
Gerald Casey, Gold channel director, said: “The festive period is a time for reflecting on the year that’s gone by and, despite the madness of 2018, it’s fantastic to see that as a country, we can still find laughter in the madness.”
The competition was held to mark the channel’s annual festive rebranding to Christmas Gold for December, and to celebrate its seasonal scheduling, which includes festive episodes of British comedies such as The Vicar of Dibley, Blackadder and Mrs Brown’s Boys.
The top 15 new Christmas cracker jokes for 2018, according to Gold:
1. What does Donald Trump do after he pulls a cracker? Pays her off
2. Why is Theresa May encouraging board games at Christmas? Because she’s trying to bring back Chequers
3. Why has Debenhams been forced to cancel its Christmas nativity play? No prophet
4. What does Philip Green buy former employees for Christmas? Their silence
5. When do sheep practice their new dance? While shepherds watched them floss by night
6. What’s the difference between the Love Island villa and the stable where Jesus was born? The stable has had some wise men in it
7. Why does Kim Kardashian hate Christmas so much? She’s always the butt of the Christmas cracker jokes
8. What is Meghan buying Harry, William and Charles for Christmas? Suits
9. Why was everyone hungover after Roxanne Pallett’s Christmas Party? She misjudged the strength of the punch
10. Why did Donald Trump invite Kanye West round to help with his Christmas presents? Because Kanye is Trump’s favourite wrapper
11. What’s the biggest complaint about Network Rail’s Christmas seasoning? They keep changing the thyme
12. Why has Boris Johnson bought mistletoe this year? Because he’s tired of being in the single market
13. What’s the only thing that goes on longer than Christmas? Harry and Meghan’s wedding preacher
14. What did Banksy serve with his Christmas turkey? Shred sauce
15. Who won the North Pole Love Island? Dani Deer