For the last five years, Abi Clarke has helped parents across the north-east struggling in the aftermath of a miscarriage.
After experiencing a pregnancy loss herself in 2015, she was unsure where to turn for help, so set up her own organisation.
Since then, Miss (Miscarriage Information Support Service) has been granted charity status and supported scores of people across the north-east.
It offers the likes of group and one-to-one sessions, and care packages for people experiencing a tough time.
But over the last five years she has seen how the physical and psychological toll of miscarriage significantly varies from person to person.
“Some women may bleed a little bit longer, some might be crying for a long time and others may not feel anything at all or have any emotion,” Abi said.
“What works for some is going back to work and doing what they did before and others need a bit of time, everyone deals with grief in a very different way.
“To accept it, understand what’s happened, take some time to process it and find a way to move forward.
“It really is about finding the best coping strategy to move forward and at Miss that is certainly something we can help with,” she explained.
‘Men have also gone through traumatic experience’
Abi says it’s very important to her that she can support men and women through miscarriage.
Often the father can neglect his own response to the ordeal, feeling as though they need to “be the bigger person” and look after their partner.
She said: “Obviously they should do, but they also have feelings and have gone through a really traumatic experience.
“Sometimes for men it can be a little harder for them to explain how they’re feeling and we have a male support lead coordinator who really helps support them.”
Supporting pregnancy anxiety
In the last two years, the charity expanded further with its pregnancy after loss service.
Abi said members of the charity have felt “really anxious” trying for a baby because of their past experiences.
She added: “We try to relieve that fear and what they can do to enjoy their pregnancy and if they find something like spotting or bleeding, don’t immediately jump to conclusions.
“It’s very easy to do that and I think it’s important at Miss that we support that side of the pregnancy.”
Miss also helps couples who are considering an alternative path such as adoption or fostering.
What happens next?
Miss is celebrating its fifth birthday on April 1 with a race night fundraiser at The Ashvale on Great Western Road, Aberdeen.
And Abi is also turning her attention to other issues, including the treatment of those who experience pregnancy loss.
While she has seen some progress, including in the workplace, she is hopeful that employers will give staff more time off if they have suffered a miscarriage.
She explained: “A lot of our members say they had to use sick leave or holiday leave because they don’t want to tell their employers the real reason they’re off.
“Some employers have also actually said they need to use their sick leave because there’s no other form of leave out there.
It is great to see another company introducing #paidmiscarriageleave for their employees. Thank you @TSB for signing up to the @MiscarriageA Miscarriage Associations Pregnancy Loss Pledge, I hope many others will follow suit.https://t.co/f4tiroyTGP
— Angela Crawley MP (@AngelaCrawley30) December 13, 2021
“The MP, Angela Crawley has been trying to put out a bill over the last year (to change that), it did go out to Holyrood but didn’t receive enough votes to go through.
“Miscarriage leave was just supposed to be three days, but something is better than nothing and she’s really working on it this year.”
Read more:
7,200 miscarriages could be prevented each year after hormone drug approved
Jessie J shares message of support for others experiencing miscarriage
