“The TV belongs to my dog. He got it for Christmas. Ask him to pay.”
Just one of the genuine excuses given over the past year by people caught watching TV without a license.
Despite the vast majority of homes across the UK being correctly licensed, a minority of people continue to avoid paying the fee and offer the most outlandish excuses for doing so.
A selection of these excuses has been published by TV Licensing, the body responsible for regulating licence holders.
Here’s a run-down of the Scotland’s top 10 excuses of the past year, and the top 10 excuses in the UK…
TOP 10 SCOTLAND EXCUSES OF THE YEAR
1 “I don’t need one. I’ll be watching the live [World Cup] games down the pub and just the highlights here at home.”
2 “I’m Australian and I only watch Home & Away and Neighbours, and I don’t pay for a TV Licence in Australia so I should not have to pay it here. Australia is 12 hours ahead, so it’s not live here.”
3 “I am Lord Stewart of the Isle of Arran and I am related to the Queen so I don’t need to pay for a TV Licence.”
4 “My TV failed the test so it never got one [a licence]”
5 “I use it for educating my daughter and as education is free in Scotland I don’t pay for a licence.”
6 “My next door neighbour gave me her old TV and she’s got a licence.”
7 “It’s one of those smart TVs. If it’s that smart it can work without one.”
8 “The TV burned down my last house.”
9 “Why would I need a licence, my TV works perfectly without one.”
10 “You can’t come in. I live here with my high-health pigs and you might infect them.”
TOP 10 EXCUSES OF THE YEAR ACROSS THE UK
1 “My mum died. She had a payment card. I’m going to a clairvoyant to ask her where she put her card.” Manchester
2 “My son lost his tooth and the next day we found the TV under the stairs. We thought it was a present from the Tooth Fairy so didn’t need a TV Licence.” Carrickfergus
3 “My cousin is not here anymore, she used to pay it for me. And now she has left me. She was also my wife. I’ve lost my cousin and my wife in one go.” Unknown (via Customer Service Centre)
4 “I don’t need one because I’m Jesus Christ.” Bristol
5 “I don’t use my TV to watch TV programmes. I use it to hang my clothes so they dry.” Crawley
6 “My husband gave me the TV Licensing money and I spent it on my new Kurt Geiger shoes.” Sheffield
7 “I was told I didn’t need a TV Licence because I haven’t got a remote control.” Cardiff
8 “I couldn’t afford to pay it as I had to get the cat neutered.” Leicester
9 “I’m Australian and I only watch Home and Away and Neighbours, and I don’t pay for a TV Licence in Australia, so I shouldn’t have to pay it here. Australia is 12 hours ahead, so it’s not live here.” Glasgow
10 “The TV belongs to my dog. He got it for Christmas. Ask him to pay.” London