Just 10 months ago, Ashleigh Lancaster was clinging on in hospital after trying to end her own life.
Now, with the country in the midst of another “stay at home” order, the 24-year-old is bravely sharing her story of recovery with a plea to all others feeling isolated and suffering emotional turmoil – “the world is a better place with you in it”.
Miss Lancaster was so close to death after downing a cocktail of pills that doctors warned her she was lucky she did not need a liver transplant.
She became so overwhelmed with events in her life, including a relationship breakdown that left her without her house and car, and fears of losing her job at the start of the first lockdown, that she thought ending it was the only way out.
‘It frightens me how I let myself get to that point’
But the young receptionist, who overdosed four times between early 2018 and March last year, has now turned her life around.
And she has raised hundreds of pounds for a mental health charity that helped her on the road to recovery in the hope no one else has to face their demons alone.
She said: “Looking back, it frightens me how I let myself get to that point.
“I just felt like I was drowning. There were a lot of things going on in my life and it was piling up on top of me. I felt I was being sucked into a big black hole and I couldn’t handle it – I just needed to escape the pain and suffering.
“But I can’t stress enough that things do get better and now I have all these life goals – to progress in my career, get a dog, have a family – that I wouldn’t be able to look forward to if I wasn’t here.”
Miss Lancaster, from Aberdeen, was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) two years ago, but first saw her GP when she was 13.
She said she “always felt out of place” and knew her “mind worked differently to others”.
But it was only after her first suicide attempt at 22 that she was diagnosed with BPD.
She said: “People are a lot more aware now, but mental illness is one of the biggest silent killers and it should be given as much care and compassion as physical illness.”
Light at the end of the tunnel
Miss Lancaster, who lived in Aberdeen and Edinburgh during her darkest days, is now on the road to recovery with the correct medication and therapy.
But she said: “The first time I did it (overdosed), if the paramedics hadn’t arrived when they did, I would have slipped away.
“By the time the paramedics reached me my heart was slowing down and I had to be put on a drip for liver damage.
“I was told I came so close to needing a transplant.”
She has tried to end her life three times since then, the final time in March last year.
Now she is determined to help others see that there is “light at the end of the tunnel”.
And she said: “I can’t stress enough that it is so important to seek help. Tell a family member, a friend, a stranger, don’t bottle it up. There are also charities and helplines out there and if you ask, they will help.
“I thought I had no one, I pushed everyone away. But you can’t do it alone.”
Miss Lancaster said she is now closer to her family than ever before and, in a leap of faith, at the end of last year she jumped 10,000ft out of a plane to thank mental health charity Mind for helping her in her recovery – despite being terrified of heights.
To support her fundraising, people can visit www.justgiving.com/fundraising/ashjlancaster
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