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Bereaved mum who lost son to suicide struggles to get help after suffering breakdown

Patrick and Wendy Mullery.
Patrick and Wendy Mullery.

A woman who lost her son to suicide has spoken of her struggle to access support in her own mental health battle.

Wendy Mullery and her husband Patrick launched a support group for those affected by suicide after losing their 28-year-old son James in 2017.

But the music tutor has suffered her own breakdown recently, which left her “lying on the floor” for two weeks, unable to move.

She has reached out for help, and a month on is still waiting for an appointment to see a specialist.

Patrick Mullery with Oscar and Parker.

TRIGGER WARNING: This article discusses suicidal thoughts.

If you need someone to talk to, contact Samaritans on 116 123 or by emailing jo@samaritans.org

Mr Mullery said the NHS needed to be better resourced.

“She’s been waiting for three-and-a-half weeks for an urgent appointment with New Craigs,” said the 60-year-old disabilities support worker.

“It’s urgent because she’s suicidal. We went to her GP first, then NHS 24, then A&E, then New Craigs.

“I’ve had to be at home with her the whole time, I’ve taken time off work, and I can’t tell you how disgusted I am with the lack of any meaningful support from the NHS.”

‘Wendy was my rock’

Mr Mullery said his wife had been his rock in the past, and he was doing all he could to help her now.

“When James took his own life I really struggled to get through and Wendy had to really pull me up by the bootstraps,” he added.

“I honestly think she’s never really taken a chance to properly grieve and, what with some family issues we have going on just now, everything’s come to a head and she’s had this breakdown and she’s feeling quite suicidal.

“I can’t believe how bad it is. I got her out today for a bit of a walk. She’s been lying on the floor, she did that for two weeks. I’ve been with her for the last six weeks in our front conservatory where she couldn’t move from because she felt safe in there. She’s starting to come out again now though, but it’s been really tough. It must be so much harder to cope if you’re alone. More specialist support needs to be there.”

James Mullery.

The Mullerys, from Cromarty, were devastated when James took his own life weeks after the birth of his son.

The Black Isle father-of-three had been struggling with anxiety and depression.

In a bid to reach out to others bereaved in the same circumstances they founded charity James Support Group.

With the backing of a clinical psychologist who helps for free, the Mullerys run monthly meetings for families and individuals affected by suicide.

‘Tough but equally rewarding’

They also operate a 24-hour phone helpline, which receives between eight and 10 calls a week from people bereaved by suicide or struggling to cope with their thoughts.

“It is tough don’t get me wrong,” said Mr Mullery.

“But it’s also rewarding at the same time and it helps us both to help other people because we really struggled at the start of this journey and we don’t want other people struggling like we had to.

“There was nothing in the Highlands doing bereavement support when we needed it.”

‘Not surprising Highland suicide rate is high’

Mrs Mullery said she now understands what being suicidal really feels like and it has made her realise the importance of immediate support.

“We have been beating the drum since James died about how much of a failure the system is for those with suicidal tendencies. Well now I can say it from first-hand experience. I’ve had the wrong drugs prescribed, physciatric nurses have told us they will ring back in the afternoon and they don’t. I was at one point on five diazapam tablets a day and here’s me, someone who doesn’t believe in taking tablets.

“I totally get that the NHS is having to prioritise funding but from my own experience, you just get given medication and sent away and you don’t know what you’re doing half the time.

“I know resources are stretched but there needs to be more immediate help available for people who say they feel suicidal.”

The Press and Journal reported this week that a “significant” divide was uncovered between the Highlands and Grampian.

The PHS report on the figures noted NHS Grampian had a “significantly lower” suicide rate than the Scottish average, with the Highlands figure “significantly higher”.

“It’s no surprise at all to read this,” said Mrs Mullery.

“That’s because there simply are not enough resources in the Highlands for people with mental health issues.”

David Stewart.

Former shadow public health minister and MSP David Stewart, who was a member of Holyrood’s health and sport committee before he retired this month, said: “There is a ticking time bomb out there and my thoughts go to the Mullery family for their terrible tragedy.”

NHS Highland said it was sorry to hear that Mrs Mullery is having a poor experience of its services.

A spokeswoman said: “We have a range of mental health services and we always aim to ensure that we are responsive to people in need.

“Although we cannot comment on individual experiences we take any such concerns seriously and always aim to promptly resolve any delay in access to services. ”

Support goes on

The next meeting of James Support Group will take place on Sunday at the Mullery’s home in Cromarty, outdoors in their gazebo. Clinical psychologist Nicola Urquhart will also be on hand with support.

For more information visit jamessupportgroup.com or e-mail support@jamessupportgroup.com

The 24-hour phone or text-line is 07563 572 471.