Marking the end of Covid rules on Monday – there are things we will all be happy to see the back of.
From not being able to clap your cat – although we did clap everyone else – to sitting inside with a meal of salt and vinegar crisps, these have surely been strange and unprecedented times.
There are hundreds of years of pub questions that will come out of these last two years.
The good news is from this week, all Covid restrictions will be dropped by the Scottish Government.
Although in a loophole, lots of previous mandatory arrangements are to become “strong advice” – so school kids will likely be wearing masks for some time to come.
‘I would have loved a mask at school’
I would have loved a mask at school – as my mouthy chat got me into a lot of bother in Mr Geekie’s English class, and in fact Mr Cranston’s, Mrs Mowatt’s and Mrs Barker’s classes as well.
Masks aside, it has been more than two years of rules, forgetful moments and downright annoyance at the behaviour of others – while we all tried to keep up with what laws we are breaking, and those we were smugly keeping.
There is little doubt that we have all been lost at one time or another.
Politicians and medical officers have been at the centre of media storms when it came to breaking rules – they themselves had set.
Boris Johnson has had a run in with the law over breaking the Covid rules himself.
The chief medical officer in Scotland went to her holiday home, twice
While there might be some Covid rules that people will miss, there have been some rules that, even when they were introduced, raised an eyebrow or two.
Looking back we have got ourselves into a number of social dilemmas that three years ago – we would never have thought even possible.
1. We can give our cats a wee clap without worrying that they are the villains of the neighbourhood
At the height of the pandemic when we wondered how on earth those Covid numbers were continuing to rise – we knew there must someone breaking the rules.
Little did we know it was our own moggies.
We were told to keep our cats indoors for fears they might be the Covid super-spreaders. Those aliens that we all so feared.
2. Tinder dates were off the social calendar and singletons were told to move in with their partner or stay home alone
The first minister intervened in a debate about whether or not couples who lived separately could meet up.
It meant having to decide how serious our relationships were. And there was no going out on dates – it was all or nothing.
For others it meant breaking lockdown rules to have a sleepover at a partner’s house – or in some case for a quick smooch with a friend/lover.
But for many others it was make it or break it time. By June 2020, singletons breathed a sigh of relief as bubbles were created and we got to have overnighters again.
3. We can worry less about which mask will steam up or glasses
For those of us who wear glasses – steaming up was a constant problem.
The College of Optometrists took to issuing guidance: telling people to wear a well fitting mask, taping the mask to your face or by using anti-fogging spray.
And blisters on the back of the ears was something remedied by home knitting and buttons.
4. When we sing in a choir – those standing next to us will be able to hear us – and we will need to learn our words
Singing in choirs was out during the pandemic, and major music festivals and competitions such as the Royal National Mod went online.
To be frank, it is very difficult to share a Sìne Bhàn down a Zoom call. For one thing, as soon as you speak, nevermind sing, it cancels everyone else out.
Special note must be given to BBC weather presenter Joy Dunlop who rose to the challenge of the Covid complications and set up the Covid Choir. And almost 50 classes on they are still going working through the back catalogue of the Gaelic cannon of songs, attracting singers from all over world.
5. We no longer need to worry about whether we are in a nightclub, or a pub
Do you remember that time that you could go to a pub – but you could not go to a nightclub? So nightclubs became pubs – and people were not allowed to dance.
Let’s admit it, we get three Midori into the system and those feet will not stop tapping. Before you knew it your were whirling on the dancefloor like a dervish.
Anyone who was at a lockdown wedding dance will have broken a rule, or two, but we were not meant to dance. We were not meant to go to a nightclub for fear of it being a superspreader event. But we could go to a football match, and a cinema…
6. We no longer need to stress ourselves about standing two metres away from someone in a queue
I was a little unreasonable when a man DARED to step close to me (by close I mean within one metre) when I had made my once a day trip outside the house in April 2020.
I was following the rules. While he was buying a 12-pack of beers, two bottles of vodka and a bottle of Jack Daniels.
The shop had placed marks on the floor marking out two metres so I knew he was breaking the rules.
Thankfully we won’t have that any longer. Especially thankful for all those folk who ended up in court when they didn’t follow the rule.
7. We no longer need to overthink if a packet of salted crisps versus salt and vinegar crisps constitutes a meal
There was a time when pubs were allowed to reopen as long as they were serving food.
So under the rule people could not go out to drink alcohol without eating food. But in some places you could not sit there for longer than 90 minutes.
Did anyone keep that rule?
Did you sit down with your plastic (they were not outlawed then) knife and fork to your packet of salt and vinegar crisps?
How much debate did we have on that very subject?
I still believe that a 25p sachet of mayonnaise could convince police officers and bar owners that we were eating a meal and that meant we were not breaking the rules with our five pints of lager.
Phew, it was a lot of thinking just to get an alcoholic beverage.
8. No shame about not knowing what has gone on in the latest Covid briefing, and if those journalists are asking the right questions
Love her, or not love her, Janey Godley made the Covid briefings bearable/unbearable.
With Frank Get the Door and the clicky pen, she gave voice to all the things we were really thinking.
Did the daily briefings go on too long? Did they prove that Nicola has no time for nonsense when the press asked questions?
Yes.
But, it was very annoying to have missed a Covid briefing and something important – other than who was wearing high heels in a pandemic – while we were not out of our PJs.
9. Happy Birthday can be sung again without the need to wash your hands
Do you still do it? Go on tell us? Do you still sing Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear child of Boris and Nicola, Happy Birthday to you.
Rinse, repeat.
Wouldn’t it have been good if along with advisory handwashing we could have had a new song suggestion every single week.
Boris Johnson practices his own #coronavirus advice:
‘Wash your hands for the length of time it takes to sing Happy Birthday twice’ https://t.co/o9iJpqbrLn pic.twitter.com/fVXbFl6w5m— The Telegraph (@Telegraph) March 6, 2020
For this generation and beyond “Happy Birthday” will be a constant reminder we have not washed our hands.
10. Teenage spots will hopefully disappear from around our faces
Bad news for you – you are not revisiting your teenage years, the spots on your face are from blocked pores due to your chosen face covering.
And it has a name “maskne” – caused by by the constant friction of the mask material on your skin.
The good news, if you are not wearing a mask – you won’t have the spots. Otherwise everyone will know that you are not following your daily facial cleansing régime, that you gave up because no one was looking at you for years.
11. Elbow bumps instead of handshakes
Do you need a hug?
Apparently most of us do after two years of bumping elbows and not actually shaking hands and cuddling “hellos”.
Now, before you go overboard with this – some people do not want to touch your unwashed, germ-filled sweaty hand. These people will continue to hold you at a distance and do the elbow bump.
I do wonder how long it will be until the people who have the “Free Hugs” sign will be back on the street?