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Iain Maciver: I’d have a super time in a superyacht and forget all about the football

The 240 foot Elandess superyacht is worth a supercool £87 million
The 240 foot Elandess superyacht is worth a supercool £87 million

Aye, the nights are fair drawing in.

Monday June 21 was the longest day and in Edinburgh, at least, they had more than 17.5 hours of sunlight, with sunrise at 4.26am and sunset at 10.02pm. I know about these things.

Iain Maciver

Most people think I am daft you see, but I’m clever, though I don’t often show it. Because I have a laptop, wifi and Google. And I’m a poet and I just don’t know it.

As the shadows lengthened on Monday evening, I spotted a vessel gently swaying in the eventide sun behind Arnish Point. Big and black, but it wasn’t another CalMac ferry broken down and drifting into the clutches of Harland and Wolff, the famous Belfast shipyard, which is taking over as operator of the Arnish fabrication yard. It was merely a near-billionaire’s superyacht.

A super cool superyacht

According to The Sunday Times Rich List, yacht owner Sir Lloyd Marshall Dorfman CBE is worth £720 million. The 240 foot Elandess, bobbing about behind Arnish, is only worth a supercool £87 million, according to a super website for super people who like messing about in superyachts.

Sir Lloyd Marshall Dorfman does have a wife, three children and his own private jet to support, as well as the Elandess

In 2011 he sold a business for $400 million and another for $800 million. But he does have a wife, three children and his own private jet to support, as well as the Elandess. Sir Lloyd is chairman of the Princes Trust and a philanthropist.

I think that means he gives money to good causes, not to good people. Shame, I could have nominated one or 20.

The Scottish media might be getting ahead of themselves

By the time you read this, you will know if the good people who are Scotland’s footballing bravehearts thrashed Croatia to get through with the determination that saw us thrash England to a, er, 0-0 draw. They’ve still not learned their lesson and some Scottish media are going wild already talking up Scotland. One story breathlessly says: “With 90 nerve-ridden minutes left to spare their blushes, how have Croatia fallen from grace?”

Have they? Have they really? Wait until after the game, mate. Knowing little about how Euro soccer works, I understand we need at least a score of 2-0 in favour of us Jocks. We have to achieve that if we are to nudge past Switzerland and be in with the first sniff of a chance of glory for a long, long time.

How will Scotland get on against Croatia without Billy Gilmour?

These newfangled rules are doing my head in. Like tiebreakers. Why break your tie? I just put it round my waist instead of a belt and it eventually breaks by itself.

Apparently, another tiebreaker could be goal difference, then goals scored, number of wins, lower disciplinary record and the positions in the UEFA rankings. No wonder my trousers won’t stay up.

Say cheese or get fired

Let’s keep smiling through. It’s a good job we don’t work for Canon, the camera company, in China. They are trialling a new door entry system which won’t let staff into their offices unless they have big smiles and look happy at work.

Imagine having to smile to be allowed in to work. I know a few organisations up here which would soon have several vacancies

Great idea. Just scowl at the camera and you can take the rest of the day off. What? You won’t get paid? As I’ve always said, it’s a rubbish idea.

Imagine having to smile to be allowed in to work. I know a few organisations up here which would soon have several vacancies. I’m saying nothing more. Obviously.

Don’t tell Nicola Sturgeon about our weekend plans

Now, before I forget, is anyone interested in a break this weekend? Not a tiebreak, a two-cities break. How about a sail down the west coast and then a helicopter trip? I’m looking for two people to join Mrs X and myself. We’ll depart Stornoway harbour early on Saturday and take the yacht to Glasgow in time for dinner at a top hotel. Then we’ll take a helicopter flight to Manchester on Sunday and stay in another fine hotel.

Nicola Sturgeon in the Scottish Parliament
A row has broken out between Nicola Sturgeon and Andy Burnham

For goodness sake, please don’t tell the First Minister about our plans. You know what she is like about Scots going to Manchester. “Youse are no goin’ onywhere near yon Andy Burnham, right?”

Dangerous move. If she’s not careful, these irate Mancunians could ban us Scots from watching Corrie.

On Monday, we’ll take the chopper back to Glasgow, spend the afternoon shopping and have a great night in the Clydeside casinos. After an overnight stay, we’ll then sail back up the west coast and arrive back in Stornoway for dinner.

If you are interested in coming, please message me ASAP. This would particularly suit someone with a yacht. And a helicopter. Otherwise we can’t go.


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