To remind myself what one writes about around New Year, I looked back at my last three end-of-year columns.
In January 2019, I wrote about how the only people we can believe and associate with are those around us in our community.
On January 1 2020, being typically miserable, I documented that something would happen to derail our economy in the north-east. Now, if I were Vince Cable, I would claim I forecast Covid, but I actually suggested climate change pressure would grow exponentially.
Then, in January 2021, I wrote about setting up a new political party, based on having competent people in charge. I actually still think a lie detector connected to a small electric shock would be a good idea as part of the election process.
So, what did I glean from my back catalogue? Well, as we enter 2022, I still don’t feel well-represented by politicians, and get even more angry when they say the understand about our world.
I can also remain miserable and smug at the same time, as my economic forecasts have sort of panned out. That said, take my self-congratulation with caution, as economic forecasts are always right at some point in time, we just don’t know when.
A movement of togetherness
None of this has left me in a good place, though. How do I prepare for the New Year, and what can bring us all joy in the year ahead?
Having failed in my efforts to set up a new political party, I think this year I will create “a movement” around togetherness. This will be focused on the things we all (say 90% of us) agree with. I intend to end division and promote common purposes and desires.
If someone else fancies starting a new party to represent the will of the people, then I’ll bring the lie detector and car battery
Here is my starting list of things we surely all agree with, feel free to add to it.
The political party we don’t support are bad for our country. Union Street could look better. The NHS probably need more money or people or both, because this Covid thing isn’t going anywhere. Some executives are paid too much, and some people are too wealthy. Wealth needs to be shared around. Lockdowns are bad. Kids should be in school and learning. People shouldn’t sleep on the streets. Too many people are dying from drug addiction. The Kingsford Stadium probably isn’t happening. Boiling the turkey carcass is good.
With all of these things in mind, if someone else fancies starting a new party to represent the will of the people, then I’ll bring the lie detector and car battery. We can all just ignore what divides us.
The ideal Hogmanay
I’m writing this before the bells, and the only issue now left to be addressed is what we do for Hogmanay. In a parallel universe, I’d be getting my Mintlaw briefcase (carrier bag) ready for Hogmanay, filled with some snacks and a bottle. I’d probably watch Jackie Bird in amongst a crowd of posh folk in Edinburgh before heading out.
The plan would be: house party first, followed by traipse around the village looking for houses with a light on. The houses would be entered, hugs given, finger food eaten, drinks shared and so it goes on until late on January 1 of 2022.
After some sleep, it would be down to the local golf club for some type of “seer heedy” event, or we’d be on a rammed supporters bus on its way to Dingwall, singing together in an enclosed space.
Imagine the love that would be shared in this world. Of course, as it stands, if I did this today, I’d be jailed, isolated or in England.
My transformation into Victor Meldrew is complete
At least last year, watching the wee wifey off the Bank of Scotland advert suffer in front of our TVs was novel. This year, being locked away isn’t novel, and with that I can therefore confirm that 2021 has concluded my transformation into Victor Meldrew. I don’t believe it.
I am keen to exit 2021 with a bit of hope, though. I feel confident that I am the most miserable P&J columnist there is. I have some competition, but believe my case is strong and evidenced.
So, we can all agree that I can be crowned champion in spring 2022 in front of a distanced crowd of 200, spread across a pedestrianised Union Street.
Happy New Year, ahbody!
James Bream is general manager of Aberdeen-based Katoni Engineering and chair of DYW North East