The latest topical insights from Aberdeen musical sketch comedy team, The Flying Pigs.
J Fergus Lamont, arts critic and author of the new musical based on the life of the leader of Aberdeen City Council – Jenny Laing Is In My Ears and In My Eyes
It is with heavy heart that we bid farewell to an incomparable saga of the small screen. You may not have heard of it, as it has received little or no publicity, but this week it has been announced that Australian cultural meisterwerk, Neighbours, is to cease production.
I was shocked and stunned. Mainly because I thought it had been axed years ago, but, no – it had merely been living out its dotage in the UK’s televisual retirement enclave, Channel 5.
It seems even the last-ditch gamble of adding noted thespian Amanda Holden to the cast was not enough to save it. Or possibly what finished it off.
I still recall the happy day I first stumbled upon this Australian epic, as a sallow-cheeked young critic with a full head of hair, channel-hopping after a particularly gripping episode of University Challenge.
I was stunned by the sunshine, the mullets and the magnificently unstudied faux-naïf performances, not seen on television since Derek Jacobi in I, Claudius, Carol White in Cathy Come Home, or Benny in Crossroads.
I applauded at the wedding of star-crossed lovers Scott and Charlene, was equally enraged by Paul Robinson’s Machiavellian scheming and ill-fated pop career (how could he expect us to buy his singles after the way he treated the Alessi twins?) and quaked at the terrifying presence of folkloric Baba Yaga figure, Mrs Mangel.
But, the greatest gem in this sea of treasures was the groundbreaking episode in which we were admitted to the dreamscape of Bouncer the dog – a sequence equally reminiscent of Shakespeare’s Cymbeline, Christopher Nolan’s Inception, and an advert for Winalot.
Having tracked down video recordings of every one of Neighbours’ 9,000 episodes, I have begun ‘binge-watching’ the whole thing
It is a roman-fleuve, hung heavy with the bricolage of incident and intrigue; an antipodean odyssey holding up a mirror to the human condition. I, myself, am greatly looking forward to seeing how the writers tie up the entire tale into a satisfying whole.
Having tracked down video recordings of every one of its 9,000 episodes, I have begun “binge-watching” the whole thing. Already, I have been deeply affected by the experience.
I have been thrilled, astounded, and I now speak with a rising inflection at the end of each sentence, so that everything I say seems like a question.
I wept?
A letter to the editor from Tim Bee (a most conscientious objector)
Dear Sir,
Thank the good heavens that common sense has prevailed and the plan to pedestrianise Union Street has been stopped dead in its tracks.
OK, not the entire length of Union Street, only a few hundred metres, but it’s the thin end of the wedge, isn’t it?
Allowing this tiny incursion into modern city living is madness. Who in their right mind believes that people will come to the city centre if it is made safer, cleaner and more enjoyable to be there?
I am yet to see a scintilla of evidence whatsoever that pedestrianisation will bring people into the centre. By the simple expedient of shutting my eyes when any is presented.
“What about Glasgow, Edinburgh, Stirling or even Dundee?” People say. Well, crucially, none of them are Aberdeen. Transformational urban renewal might go down well in places like that, but here we are made of sterner stuff.
So, good on the SNP councillors who have voted steadfastly for “no change”, in spite of the foolish majority of citizens who say they are in favour of it. Quite right – who needs change? Not us!
We can’t ignore the clamour for change. But we can we put our fingers in our ears and say ‘la la la’ until it stops
We need to ensure that Union Street is safe for everyone. And, what better way to achieve that than by letting buses, taxis and intoxicated teenagers on freewheeling push bikes continue to travel through it?
So, “bravo” to the Lib Dems who voted against pedestrianisation. They famously position themselves in the middle of the road, but not this one, obviously. That would be dangerous.
The return of buses to the middle of Union Street is what we’re really waiting for, isn’t it? I will rejoice when, once again, the number 19 drops me immediately outside Jamieson & Carry. As it did on the day I made an honest woman of Mrs Bee, in 1973.
Of course, we can’t ignore the clamour for change. But we can we put our fingers in our ears and say “la la la” until it stops.
There have been a lot of changes in Aberdeen over the last 50 years, but I think we can all agree that enough’s enough. The pedestrianisation of 0.2 miles of Union Street is a bridge too far. We might not be able to turn back the clock, but we can stop it!
Speaking of which, whatever happened to Bruce Millers? I used to love going to that place. Maybe not enough footfall in the city centre? Tragic.
