How on earth do they expect the President of the United States to get ready for a major event like today’s inauguration without him having full access to his online social media apps such as Twitter and Facebook so that he can communicate his ideas and philosophies to his supporters and to the whole wide world?
It cannot be easy for a man who claims he won the election “by a lot” now that the forces against him have somehow managed to get him banned from these platforms.
Now rumours are circulating that he’s found another online platform. The big question is which one because there are a few out there.
I’ll let you into a secret. I think I know which one he is using. It’s Airbnb. Yep, you may laugh but the blurb about one particular property seems to give it away. Who else could this be on the popular property rental app?
“We have a lovely little property in Tong, not far from my family home near lovely Stornoway. We are still renovating it and we still have to build a wall to keep those pesky Tongonians out. It’s going to cost a lot – I mean a lot.
“I have figured out a way that I don’t have to pay for it. The islands’ council will pay for the wall. These people love me. They really, really love me – in fact so much so that I am going to stand for election to Western Isles Council. It’s going to be great.
“So we won’t need to use Macleod Cottage in Tong ourselves. When I win these votes – and there will be a lot – my family and I will stay in Stornoway or nearby on council expenses. My people have checked all the properties around there.
“I could maybe live in Aignish. I know it’s a bit of a dull place just now – few interesting people there apart from Agnes Munro, who was an Obamacare nurse. Maybe you call it the NHS? Yeah, whatever. Maybe I’ll start a campaign – Make Aignish Great Again. I have some hats. I could maybe alter them.”
Heck, the next council elections are in May next year. Would impeachment in the US affect a candidate in Aignish? He’ll be hoping no – no impeachment and no effect.
Who else could that be? Maybe it’s just part of the current wave of fake news and conspiracy theories sweeping the whole world and parts of North Shawbost.
Take Mrs X. She’s become hard-nosed and edgy. Her conspiracy theory is that BBC Radio 2 is making the questions harder on Ken Bruce’s Popmaster each morning.
She thinks it’s so the corporation won’t have to give out so many T-shirts and digital radios.
They may have a point. Many people say it is more difficult now. I don’t know. Perhaps I don’t care. However, this is the missus and it is my job to care on command. I told her if they felt that strongly, she and her frustrated radio quizzer mates fae Aberdeen should protest.
Me and my mouth. They’ve now had an online meeting and are thinking of starting a blog called: “We ken, Ken.”
Meanwhile, I am left to wonder what will happen if Mr Trump does come back to Stornoway in the days ahead.
His jet flew into Stornoway back in 2008 because we have a long runway. I do hope his arrival is more stress-free than it was then.
The Trump Boeing 727 came in as fog swept in off the Minch. Visibility was poor. The instrument landing system was playing up so his pilot had to land on his wits alone. “Flaps, check,” says the pilot, “Landing gear, check. Altitude, check. Right, we’re going in. Hold on.”
The huge plane in the distinctive red, grey and white colours touched down, the reverse thrusters came on and roared and Trump One slewed to a screeching halt, just short of the edge of the runway.
Everyone drew a huge sigh of relief. “Holy cow,” exclaims the passenger in the red tie. “Why did they say Stornoway had a long runway? This must be the shortest runway we’ve ever landed on… by a lot.”
The pilot looks left and right, and then says: “Yeah, and it must be just about the widest too.”
Finally, some late news from another airport. Following a Covid outbreak in Liverpool, everyone at John Lennon International Airport has been told to self-isolate. Imagine, all the people…