When you are unexpectedly given a wonderful gift, you should worry. There is usually a catch.
One example in recent times was in 2014 when Apple released the iPhone 6. It came with the U2 album Songs of Innocence pre-loaded onto each and every dog and bone.
Whether you wanted it or not, you had hitherto unheard of U2 songs on your phone if you bought, or were given, an iPhone 6. Of course, that spawned some rewrites of U2’s lyrics. “I still have now found, what I wasn’t looking for” was one.
So when politicians tell you that the country is doing well with the vaccination programme, we tend to go: “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
Gorgeous Gordon has kept his promise
Politicians usually say whatever puts them or their party in the best light but responsible people in proper jobs running branch offices of government departments tend to be more careful.
Then when Gordon Jamieson, the jolly chief of NHS Western Isles, popped up and said anyone over 18 could have a vaccine, we also went: “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
Wait. Gorgeous Gordon is not a pouting, promising politico.
It’s great to live in the Western Isles where the great NHS does not just care for you but cuddles you with love and kisses
When he announced the Western Isles would start vaccinating any adults from 18 years old upwards, that must be right. Wow. The first in Scotland, maybe the first in the UK – maybe even in Europe.
The reports from other countries are not quite up to date. This week, 82.6 per cent of islanders here had at least one sore arm at least once. Good stuff. I know everyone tries to say the wee prick didn’t bother them. They felt it. They are trying to be brave. Just cry. It’s OK. We won’t judge you.
Panache, dignity, solemnity, decorum and much gravy
If Gordon says it’s happening, it really is. He’s a reliable, sure-footed health hero who delivers the latest Covid figures to us on the NHS Western Isles Faceblog thing each evening with panache, dignity, solemnity, decorum and much gravy. Flipping autocorrect – that should read gravitas.
He should puff on a fat cigar when he is announcing more weeks without any cases of coronavirus. We need him to look like Winston Churchill. Gordon is halfway there already. You can see him now paying tribute to his wonderful staff: “Never in the field of Covid conflict was so much jabbed into so many by so few.”
And, of course, there is: “We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets. We shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.” OK, maybe not that much.
NHS doctors are also on there saying one glass of wine in the evening may actually be good for your health. That’s good to know but I can’t help feeling that they should give us more complete information. I can’t find anywhere how many glasses we should have in the morning.
A global shortage of any kind of chips would be a disaster
I see on the NHS social media, they are telling us to cut down on chips. I read elsewhere that chips are in such short supply that it is beginning to affect car production. Of course, if the workers can’t have their burger and chips at lunchtime, they will not want to go back to the assembly line.
Smartphones could be affected later this year, says this report. It says chips are also called integrated circuits or semiconductors. Not in this house they’re not. We call them yummy, lovely, crispy, or the best ever.
Of course, I am winding you up. A worldwide shortage of computer chips due to Covid and other reasons means car production is slowing or stopping, new computers are going onto long waiting lists and smartphones will soon be affected. Heck, forget the virus. That really will be a challenge for most of us.
It’s great to live in the Western Isles where the great NHS does not just care for you but cuddles you with love and kisses. The fact that everyone over 18 here can get a shot right now is amazing. And Pfizer is fantastic. The daughter Vicki, her with the sheepdogs, got the Pfizer vaccine at the weekend. She texted to tell me she’s had no side effects. I’m not so sure.
She wrote: “So pfar, I’ve had no pflu symptoms. I pfeel just pfine.”