Variety is the spice of life and so I’m off economics this time and thinking holidays. I need a fun topic and some light-hearted entertainment.
Now I cannot do the obvious topic today of the October holidays for a few reasons. The first reason is that in our new world of control by the state, travel of the holiday type is not allowed (shorthand summary). Of course we’ve been told that for good reason I’m to accept these rules. So I cannot talk about any upcoming trips because they are cancelled.
The second reason the topic is off the menu is that last year I reminisced and wallowed in joyous nostalgia about the Tattie Holidays. After this I was delighted to find that someone apart from my kids read this column when the P&J received a ‘letter to the editor’. The letter reminded us all that picking tatties was hard work and perhaps not much fun after all. It happens the educated P&J reader was right. Imagine my surprise when the BBC reports that the harvest this year has been all too much for UK workers these days. Maybe tattie picking should never have been a manual job after all.
With all of this in mind rather than look back I am going to look forward. In the spirit of trying to provoke more October annoyance in 2020 and also breaking all timeliness rules I am going to write about Christmas.
The reason for writing now is that we’ve all been warned that things aren’t normal. In this new normal we need to plan ahead and buy early, retailers have told us. However, I am hereby warning that that is just the tip of the iceberg. Many more of us need to plan for many more things, please read on.
Students need to plan. I’m unsure of what their best approach is for the festive period. One idea might be to find a solitary space from 10th December, say a caravan, and isolate for 14 days. Arrive home at parents on the 24th and spend the week. On the 31st return to the caravan for a further 14 days, before then returning to the halls. This allows everyone to be back for the start of term. One benefit is this can create a new revenue stream for under-utilised caravans out of the summer season. With this in mind I suggest holiday parks get planning too.
Churches and Zoom need to plan. I’m not sure if churches are included in the 6pm or 10pm curfew but Midnight Mass may be an issue, and there will be no wine! To get around this perhaps a countrywide Midnight Mass can be held on Zoom. To facilitate this, for one time only, we’ll need the 40 minute time limit to be dropped. Nothing worse than the meeting ending halfway through Lord of the Dance.
Farmers and the avian community need to plan. With smaller household groups the festive 20lb Turkey will not be required. Instead this year we will feast on a chicken which is more fitting for a group of 6 (exc children, inc family bubbles but no students unless following rules above). This will have a knock on impact on turkeys. There will be lots of turkeys all looking for grain, good homes and a new life in January.
Posties and bin men need to plan now! With a likely onslaught of early online shopping expect heaving postbags and loads of boxes in mid-October. These will find their way into overflowing blue bins! It’s basically going to be like Amazon Prime Weekend from next week to early December.
Early risers and people who like a queue need to plan. Both groups will be seriously impacted by the vast amount of parking available in town centres and lack of demand for Boxing Day sales. I for one will definitely take advantage of the extra space outside Next at 6am on Boxing Day. If you are looking for some socially distanced chat I will see you there. That said remember we are not actually meeting because I cannot meet other people outside and the pubs aren’t open at 6am.
The saddest thing of all will be the planning required by online website content generators and HR professionals. A whole day of work will be required for journalists and one lost for HR people. Most years it is possible to copy and paste last year’s ‘Ten do’s and don’ts for this year’s Xmas office party’ that will not be an option in 2020. There will be no Xmas parties, no inappropriate behaviour, no walk of shame and no HR meetings after mad Friday.
I’ve only scratched the surface of what this festive season is going to be like but I’m damned excited anyway. I’m away to put on Slade, take a page off the countdown and laugh in the face of bah humbug because if I don’t I could get really miserable. Happy tattie holidays north-easters…. My favourite time of the year.
