Kevin Cash, Money-Saving Expert & King Of The Grips
I’m nae een tae be overly bothered aboot matters architectural. My ain hoose is nae the bonniest inside or oot, but that disnae bother me during the winter months, as to save money on electric I dinna hae nae licht bulbs.
But I see there’s been a richt stushy aboot that flats fit they wint tae build at Rubislaw Quarry. You ken the eens, there wis an “artist’s impression” o’ them in the paper that looked like the set fae “Logan’s Run”. The plans wis a’ready rejected by the council – which is itself a shocker, given some o’ the stuff they gi’e the thumbs up – but it’s been allowed by the Scottish Government.
Fair play. I hiv nivver visited said quarry, cos it’s up an affa steep hill in a bittie o’ the toon brimming wi the sort o’ folk fa ayewiz ring the fuzz fan I’m at the door flogging my artisan made tea-towel facemasks, but surely a block o’ flats – nae metter foo dystopian – canna mak it look much worse? Efter a’, Rubislaw Quarry is said tae be the biggest man-made hole in Scotland. A bold claim. Hiv they seen the state o’ Union Street lately?
Ron Cluny, Council Spokesman
It’s good to see, in what has been a tricky 2020, that at least our city’s local government representatives have been recognised for their excellence. Already basking in the glow of being named “Council of the Year 2020” by “The MJ” (everyone’s favourite magazine for council chief executives), it is obviously a tremendous achievement to be voted Best Council in Scotland. And also a relief, as we were the only candidates.
Now some cynics might raise an eyebrow at that, but it does show that even in the face of all this year’s difficulties, we are still able to focus on the vital matter of getting ourselves nominated for awards such as these.
And now, compounding the excitement, we have the crowning of our own Jenny Laing as ‘2020 Council Leader of the Year’ at a national awards ceremony hosted by the “LGiU” (everyone’s favourite local government thinktank and membership organisation).
The only fly in the ointment is that Jenny’s co-leader, Douglas Lumsden, was not equally lauded with an award, which, as you can imagine, has caused a bit of an atmosphere in the office. It’s like if they’d given an MBE to only one Chuckle Brother.
Cava Kenny Cordiner, the football pundit whose tributes are flooding out
It’s always sad when the bountiful game loses one of its greats, but losing two is a difficult crusty bear.
The last few days has been full of sorrow, with former Liverpool keeper Ray St Clements and then the little Argentino genius Diego Madonna both going to play in the great World Cup in the sky.
It’s sad moments like these what makes you consider your own morbidity, and realise that you isn’t no string chicken any more.
St Clements was some keeper. He was the dandelion and burdock of that Liverpool defence back in the 80s when they was winning trophies for fun.
In fact, he played at Pittodrie back in 1980 when the Dandies took on the artistocats of Merseyside in the European Cup. No matter what Fergie’s lads tried in front of a packed stadium, they never looked like making Ray’s net bulge.
I got a Captain Birdseye’s view of just how strong he was between the sticks as I’d been booked in both legs of the first round against Australia Viennetta, so had to watch from the stand.
As for Madonna, what can you say about him what has not already been said?
He was often cried a “torchered Guinesses”, and there’s no doubt he had his denims, but he was some player.
I’ll never forget what he done in the World Cup quarter final against England. His “Hand of God” goal is the stuff of legend, and I still can’t figure out how he got away with that when I kept getting pulled up for silly little things like stamping on some wee nyaff of a winger off the ball or grabbing a striker’s goolies at a corner.
And who can forget the second goal? I’m a proud Scotsman – but I so wish I’d been in the English team just for that day. If Old Kenny had been playing, Diego would have been halfed good and proper long before he slotted it in the onion bag.
I wish them both all the best in the after life.
I just hope Diego remembers to give God his hand back.