Tanya Souter, Lifestyle Correspondent
I da ken aboot youse, but I’ve been getting a’ worked up aboot fit a’ this Brexit cairry-on is gan tae dae tae the price o’ my weekly shop.
I tell ye, if I actually paid for it, instead o’ dashing oot wi’ the pooches o’ ma puffy winter coat stuffed wi’ chicken kievs, I’d be in a helluva state.
I’ve read export sales is doon 68%, fit is nae surprising seeing as it’s the gadsiest beer iver, and there’s been a lot said aboot the plight o’ fishermen.
Noo, ok, I dinna ken much aboot it – though I did eence ging oot wi’ a hunky trawlerman fae Gamrie (it didnae last lang, he looked like Chris Hemsworth, but he smelled like Crombie Road) – but I div feel sorry for them.
There’s ‘at much reed tape tae get through, by the time they’ve got their fish oot tae Europe, it’s aff!
Desperate measures is called for, are they? In Cornwall it’s noo such a hassle tae sell tae the Eurovisions, they’ve hid tae rename their produce tae mak it mair attractive tae the locals instead.
So the gadsy sounding “spider crab” has been renamed Cornish king crab. Fair play tae them, I widna ging near nithin’ fit sounds like a cross atween twa creepy-crawlies, and looks like something ye’d see hingin aff John Hurt’s face in Alien.
But it a’ diz mak ye think aboot fit funny things names is. Ab’dy hiz een but they dinna actually mean nithin, div they? Like a cooncil tax bill.
And there’s nithin stopping ye haein mair than een. I hiv a variety o’ different surnames on the go. I tend tae pick up a new een ivery time I get a new bidie-in.
I think having a load o’ different names gie’s me an air o’ mystery and sophistimacation.
Plus they come in real handy for a’ my benefit claims.
Jonathan M Lewis, local headteacher
On behalf of all at Garioch Academy, I wish all our young learners and their parents a relaxing half term break – richly deserved I’m sure!
What could be more welcome, after the last five weeks of having pupils cooped up at home, than a long weekend of having pupils spending quality time at home.
I also hope that there’s some respite soon from the wintry cold snap in which we have been gripped.
Of course, the Garioch community has had many a brush with snowy conditions over the years.
Who can forget the savage winter of 2010? When some pupils created an enormous and frighteningly lifelike snow effigy of Dr Selway, which adorned the playing field for nearly three weeks.
I’m still amazed that the Chemistry Club were able to synthesise enough salt to melt it, and we remain in hope that the grass will grow back, eventually.
The treacherous conditions in December 2014 brought out the blitz spirit in the staff car park.
As vehicle after vehicle struggled up the icy hill to the exit, Mr Daly’s decision to take his S4 physics class out for a practical demonstration of momentum, kinetic energy and frictionless surfaces was a masterstroke.
Thank goodness he asked the nurse to come along on standby! Still, I shall never forget the collective push his pupils gave me as I set off for the annual Aberdeenshire Headteachers’ Christmas do at Thainstone on a makeshift luge fashioned by the class from an upturned dinning hall table.
But, as I sit in my study here at home, gazing out as the snow falls all around me, I have been struck by a revelation which will change one aspect of head teaching forever.
For years, one of the hardest decisions that we have ever had to face is whether to call or not to call a “snow day”.
We’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t most of the time. But no more! Now that we’ve all become accustomed to pupils and teachers alike engaging in their lessons remotely, there need never be another “snow day”!
I’m sure everyone will be delighted at the prospect that when the pandemic subsides, I can close the school at the slightest hint of a flurry and learning will be able to carry on as (new) normal in our own homes.