Commons is like Mother Totally Goosed panto, says SNP MP

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An MP has likened this year in the House of Commons to a pantomime he called “Mother Totally Goosed”.

SNP Commons leader Pete Wishart said that while every day in the chamber resembled theatrical entertainment, the House now has its own pantomime where trade deals and transitional arrangements grow from “magic Brexit beans”.

As he wished MPs a merry Christmas during business questions, Mr Wishart said: “It’s panto season – I suppose every day is like a pantomime in this House.

“But this year we have our very own version of Mother Totally Goosed, where a hero with repeated warnings of ‘he’s behind you’ is transported to a magical land where a dream of unfettered trade deals and transitional arrangements are grown from the magic Brexit beans.

“No longer assisted by the pantomime dame from Aladdin, the hero climbs bravely into the Brexit unknown.”

He also warned voters in Scotland that Tory MPs are not just for Christmas.

Mr Wishart said: “At this time of goodwill and cheer, remember that Scottish Tory members of Parliament aren’t just for Christmas: you are stuck with them as they plummet in Scottish Westminster opinion polls.

“Those cute, doe-eyed stoppers of a second independence referendum can grow up to be the unwanted, unloved, forgotten waste of space with nothing better to do than bark about our government 500 miles ago.

“So remember, people of Scotland: if you’re thinking about voting Tory in Scotland I will look at what they grow up to when they get down here.”

Commons Leader Andrea Leadsom replied: “I’m not entirely sure what to make of that – but taking (Mr Wishart’s) point, in the Christmas spirit which I think is very important, he clearly feels under threat by my honourable friends because of the excellent work that they do in holding the Scottish government to account, but also the excellent work they do in representing their own constituents in Scotland.”

Other MPs were in also in a festive mood as the Commons met for its final sitting before the Christmas recess, with shadow Commons leader Valerie Vaz telling a cracker joke.

She said: “What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? Horniments.”

Ms Leadsom replied: “Well I’m sure that joke will resound around many a Christmas table this year.”

Conservative Tom Tugendhat (Tonbridge and Malling) hoped not to ruin a surprise for his son.

Speaking during digital, culture, media and sport questions earlier, he joked ahead of a broadband question: “As we’re focusing on Paddington 2, I should announce an interest as we’re going later this weekend – but please don’t tell my son.”

Culture minister Matt Hancock replied: “I’m pretty sure your son doesn’t watch Parliament TV so your secret should be safe.”