If the thought of buying a book just to burn it makes no sense to you, then you haven’t met Julian Thomson.
Once he explains it, you can see it’s an inspired idea.
It was a cold, bright morning as Julian, 31, told me about his life journey, but sadly, there have been some very dark days along the way.
Originally from Inverness, he suffered an abusive early childhood and when he was five, he and his baby brother were “taken in the middle of the night” to a police station and into care.
They were adopted at ages seven and three and his adoptive parents were “loving and caring” but Julian ended up leaving home at 16.
Despite their best intentions, he said they did not have “the right skillset to deal with that early childhood trauma and also the realisation that I was gay and how to cope with that”.
Julian did an HNC in Social Sciences then studied Law at Abertay University where, despite excellent grades, he realised he wanted to use his creative skills in a “more flexible, fulfilling way”.
He started the Digital Marketing course at RGU in 2021, but last December he found that mentally, he was “struggling”, to such an extent that he considered ending his life.
He found himself in A&E at Aberdeen Royal Infirmary, admitting that he needed help.
“The staff could not have been more patient, kind or understanding,” he said.
After being sent home, he shared his experience with Nikki Maxwell, a friend, nurse and life coach from Sacramento, California.
Nikki helped him see that much of what he had been feeling was understandable.
She invited him to a workshop with Laura St John, the Celebrity Mindset Coach from the Netflix series Selling Sunset.
Julian said Laura believes “no matter what got you here, you deserve to live a life you love” and “you have the power to get unstuck and recreate yourself”.
Now Julian has brought some of that California sunshine to the Granite City in the hope of empowering others.
Already a certified life coach himself, he is now a mentor and coach, in particular for gay men, with a range of digital resources and a “compassionate and no-nonsense style”.
He has also created the Burn Book – “a journal designed to be burned, which offers simple tools and techniques to help people understand how their past might be holding them back and how to use this to manifest powerful change within their lives”.
He took part in Nikki’s course, Clarity of Boundaries about “developing a sense of safety within your relationships”.
“I saw that I wasn’t establishing good boundaries in my life, I was allowing myself to be pulled hither and yon.
“A lot of that is to do with my early childhood, not having a secure base, abandoned by parents who went out drinking, being left in dangerous situations to look after my little brother.
Julian also went into therapy and believes it goes hand in hand with coaching.
“It was important for me to understand how my present is affected by the past but not stay there and use coaching as a way to move forward.”
The Burn Book is “an accumulation of the skillsets I’ve learned to move me from someone who felt they had no choice but to end it all to someone who understands why that happened and has worked through it”.
Julian has appeared on the BBC and STV, advocating for changes in the way people care for and adopt children and has worked with organisations including Adoption UK and The Independent Care Review.
“I think there are so many people, especially in Scotland, where there is a legacy of abuse. We know from the care review how many people were let down by the care system.
“I was taken in the night for my own safety, but there was no support around that. We have a legacy of traumatised children who are being given no support.”
The idea for the Burn Book came about during a conversation with Nikki, who advocates venting in a safe way, and to whom it is dedicated.
“I think it was Nikki’s idea and I just executed it, I said ‘I’m doing that!’.”
Having written a letter to his adoptive parents he burned it, with the journal, “as a sort of letting go”.
“The change it had on me and my relationship with my parents was quite profound.
“We’ve reached a truce where we exist in harmony because it was quite difficult for a while.
“It does work. Burning stuff is insanely amazing!
“It made me realise the act of burning your writing is extremely profound.
“There’s ancient wisdom that we’ve lost.
“Ancient tribes, fires and smells and bells and all that stuff has a place.
“It’s been created so it’s applicable to most problems. I’ve thrown everything at the questions I’ve created and nothing has stumped it yet. So the formula works!”
For more information visit www.thegaymenscoachuk.com which is also on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.
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