Walk up the aisle of any card shop and you’d be hard pushed to find a “Best Foster Mum” card.
All too often these very special women are forgotten about on Mother’s Day, which is marked tomorrow, so Your Life wants to shine a light on these unsung heroes who go above and beyond for children across the north and the north-east.
From caring for tiny babies to looking after teenagers, these women are the epitome of selfless.
Some are parents themselves, some are single parents, some have disabilities, some have careers, some have houses, some live in rented accommodation, but what unites all foster mums is their collective desire to love a child like their own, and in doing so give them the best possible chance at life.
Here, we recognise some modest but incredible women who are making a difference to children’s lives up and down our local communities.
Kerry Davidson
From the shy eight-year-old to the paddle-boarding 13-year-old, nothing makes Kerry Davidson’s heart sing more than seeing her foster child thriving.
Caring, compassionate and kind to the core, Kerry, who lives in Stuartfield near Mintlaw, always knew she had so much love to give as a foster mum.
Since taking the leap in 2018, Kerry, 55, who has a grown-up son, hasn’t looked back, describing the experience as “extremely rewarding”.
“I always wanted to be a foster mum, I just loved the idea of a big family with lots of children around” says Kerry.
“When I met my second husband Kevin, it was something we both wanted to do so we just went for it and haven’t looked back.
“It’s so rewarding.”
Stellar support
Kerry, who works as a school taxi driver, says the training that she and her husband received was excellent.
“You get a lot of support beforehand,” says Kerry.
“There are a few courses you do and there are maybe about 10-15 couples who go through the same experience as you, which is nice.
“After passing all the courses and checks we were placed quickly.”
For the past five years, Kerry and Kevin have been looking after a child on a permanent basis.
“She came to us when she was eight,” says Kerry.
“She’s now 13 and she’s really come out of her shell which is lovely.
“She still has contact with her mum which is good, and we encourage it because it’s who she is.
“Overall the experience has been brilliant.
“She loves paddle-boarding so we often jump in the motorhome at the weekend and end up by the water.”
Advice for potential foster carers
Asked what advice she would give anyone interested in fostering, Kerry says:
“I would say just go for it, it’s so rewarding.
“I would encourage people if it’s something they want to do to go ahead and do it.
“There are loads of kids out there looking for homes and respite, places to go and stay for a while.
“Do it as it’s very rewarding.”
Completely modest, Kerry doesn’t look upon herself as being any different from anyone else.
“We’re just normal people getting on with life and just enjoying it, and we’re giving someone else the chance to enjoy it too,” says Kerry.
“I enjoy looking after people.”
Lorraine Longmuir
Bringing up a teenage foster daughter and her baby girl, single mum Lorraine Longmuir is nothing short of extraordinary.
A foster carer for the past 28 years, the stoic 63-year-old from Ellon, who has two grown-up sons, has loved and cherished every child who has walked through her door.
But the bond she has developed with the teenage mum she looked after is unbreakable.
“When she got pregnant at 15, I changed my category from a teenage placement to a mother and baby placement so she got to keep the baby,” says Lorraine.
“So they stayed with me for four years and she now lives independently with her daughter and she also has another child now.
“She definitely sees me as a mum and it means the world to me because we helped to bring the baby up.
“She makes me really proud as she was quite a lost soul when she came to me, and although she still struggles with her self-esteem, we speak a couple of times a day and I reassure her that she’s a good mum and she’s doing things right.
“It’s just lovely that everything has worked out for her.”
Enriching experience
Admittedly “scared” at the start of her fostering journey, Lorraine says she had nothing to worry about as the experience has been so enriching.
“I was working for Aberdeenshire Council as a carer when I heard they were appealing for foster carers,” says Lorraine.
“I thought I could easily work round someone who is the same age as my boys because they would be at the same school and I had the spare room.
“I applied then I went through the training and the next thing I knew I had a child.
“It was scary but it has been so rewarding, you get a lot out of it.”
Be open-minded
Asked if she has any advice for any prospective foster parents, Lorraine says: “You have to be non-judgemental with the parents.
“I try and include the parents as much as I possibly can, you have to be open minded.”
As a busy foster mum, Lorraine is constantly on the go so any time to herself is a small luxury.
“You don’t get a lot of time to yourself but when I do I just chill, read a book or watch some TV,” says Lorraine
“I’ve also had a lot of support from my family and friends which has been great.”
Jill Campbell
“If you can love a child you can be a foster carer,” says Jill Campbell, an immensely proud foster mum and soon to be adoptive parent from Aberdeen who hopes that by sharing her story it will encourage others to follow in her footsteps.
Unable to have children of their own, Jill and her husband Bruce, who works as a pilot, spent years babysitting their nieces, nephews and their friend’s children.
But when those children eventually grew up and the couple were left with a garage full of unused cots, buggies, car seats and toys, they knew the time was right to foster and give children the safety, love, time and space that they need in order to thrive.
“I’ve never ever been happier,” says Jill.
“Don’t get me wrong, its not all fun and games, there’s very trying times too, but the good outweighs that and during the hard times you’re never, ever on your own.”
Inner peace
Over the past five years the couple have looked after over 10 children, some for just 10 days and others for more than two years.
“We’ve only been fostering for five years but we wish we’d been doing it for 25 years,” says Jill.
“I’ve felt absolutely every emotion you can imagine but the overriding one is a feeling of peace within yourself because you know you’ve kept these children safe.
“You’ve given them love.”
Throughout their fostering journey, Jill says the support they have received has been incredible.
“Sometimes you have to hear really tough stuff and you want to react but you can’t, but the support you get from social work has blown us away,” says Jill.
“Even if it’s just to have a rant or if you’re not sure about something, or if it’s because the child has told you something and immediately something has to change, the support we’ve had from social work has been amazing.”
Immensely proud
Initially going into fostering with the idea of looking after babies, Jill and Bruce have instead cared for teenagers.
“One of the teenagers is now at university and one is suddenly doing amazingly well at school which has been a total turnaround,” says Jill
“I feel so proud of them.
“To be honest I feel like we did very little except from helping them with their homework, giving them routine and helping them get organised; they’ve done that because they’ve been in an environment that has allowed them to realise their potential.”
Admitting she was daunted by the prospect of interacting with children’s birth parents, Jill says she had no reason to to be as the experience has been nothing but positive.
“We’ve had really nice relationships with the birth families and that’s really surprised us,” says Jill.
“We thought the birth family would take umbrage to the fact that we’re looking after their child but in our experience it’s been quite the reverse.
“No matter what the situation is we’ve come to realise that every parent loves their child in the only way they know how to love.”
Adoption
Jill, who is in her fifties, and Bruce, who is in his sixties, plan to keep fostering and are also in the process of adopting a little girl.
“We’ve loved every child who’s come through our doors but there’s something about this little girl that we couldn’t let go,” says Jill.
“Adoption was never something on our radar as Bruce was retiring and we were planning to do some travelling, but we don’t care about that any more.
“Forget about being on safari, it brings us more joy to watch this little girl play with her Barbies.”
For anyone who is thinking about fostering, Jill has a strong message.
“If you’re reading this article thinking ‘oh I wonder if we could do that’ it means you’ve to phone and find out more about it because you’ll regret it if you don’t,” says Jill.
Anonymous foster mum
Receiving a card with the words “thank you for being the best mummy in the world” was a proud moment for one foster mum who has recently moved from Caithness to Moray.
Wishing to remain anonymous due to sensitivities surrounding the children she is currently caring for, the foster mum was still keen that her voice was heard.
“It’s extremely fulfilling, however it’s hard work. You can’t go into it with rose-tinted glasses, and if you do, you can’t help these children,” she says.
“For me I wear my heart on my sleeve, we treat these children like they are our children.”
Empty nest syndrome
It was empty nest syndrome that prompted the foster mum and her husband to foster with amazing support from Highland Council.
“My mother and father-in-law were foster carers so my husband grew up as part of a big family,” she says.
“We have four children of our own and with only the youngest left in the house we had empty nest syndrome as the house felt very empty.
“Then one day I was listening to the radio while driving and I heard this appeal for foster carers.
“They gave the statistics of how many children were waiting to go into care and it was horrendous.
“So as we were living in a four-bedroom house with all this space we just went for it.”
Positive experience
And although it can be tough, the foster mum says it is the most incredible experience.
“We have three children who live here permanently, they have never been anywhere else but here for the past 11 years,” she says.
“They call us mum and dad.
“I love them as much as I love the children.”
In fact the experience has been so positive that she has also inspired her daughter to foster.
“My youngest daughter is also going to foster care now, I’m so so proud,” she says
Alison Gordon, resource manager at Highland Council’s Fostering and Adoption Service
Alison Gordon is only too happy to talk about the amazing foster carers and the extraordinary work these ordinary people do.
As the resource manager at Highland Council’s Fostering and Adoption Service, Alison sees at first-hand the positive impact that foster carers are having on children’s lives across the north.
“They go above and beyond what we ask them to do,” says Alison.
“They step in and will take children in an emergency as well as supporting children to have contact with their families.
“The foster carers also make sure that they give children experiences that they may not have had previously which could be simple things like a birthday party, swimming lessons, or an activity like horse riding.
“Carers really go above and beyond to make sure the children have really positive experiences while they’re in their care.”
Fantastic support
Keen to encourage more people to consider fostering, Alison says there’s so many options.
“It’s about getting the message out to people in the communities that we always need foster carers and there may be some type of fostering that people can do that they maybe haven’t considered before,” says Alison.
“It might be that you provide respite for a family who’s got a child with a disability for a weekend per month or it might be that you can provide emergency placements, an interim placement while plans are made either to return the child home or to move on to a more permanent arrangement.”
Warm, caring and compassionate, Alison says she’ll happily chat with anyone who is considering fostering and explain the fantastic support they offer.
“There’s lots of challenges as well with being a foster carer and that’s where we provide the support and training not just to our foster carers but for the whole family.”
For more information
- Anyone who is interested in fostering in the Highland Council area can phone Alison on 07769 914397, email fostering@highland.gov.uk or go to the website highland.gov.uk/fosteringandadoption
- For those interested in fostering in Aberdeenshire visit the website aberdeenshire.gov.uk and search fostering.
- And for anyone interested in foster care in Aberdeen you can phone 01224 694554, email AdoptFostRecruitment@aberdeencity.gov.uk, check out the website aberdeencity.gov.uk or pop in to the Quarry Centre, Cummings Park Crescent, Aberdeen.
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