The newly merged UHI is now UHI North, West and Hebrides – but doesn’t it deserve a snazzier name? Iain Maciver thinks so.
The name University of the Highlands and Islands, or UHI, has been on the go for years, and there has been a recent consultation on jazzing it up by asking for ideas.
As in many organisations, they want to be modern and exciting. No bad thing.
Lots of people were asked, but there is only so much that can be done. It was decided to merge the partnerships, but keep mentioning the Hebrides. Hebrides? Too much associated with an unreliable Caledonian MacBrayne ferry of the same name.
The big news we thought we read last week was that the name of part of UH is changing – merging Lews Castle College UHI, North Highland College UHI and West Highland College UHI to form a new institution by next year.
It’s now – wait for it – UHI North, West and Hebrides. UHI says it is absolutely not changing its name. “UHI is a diverse tertiary partnership made up of 12 partners,” it insists.
The consultation with 200 people included staff, students and businesses. UHINW&H, which is like an acronym for a medical condition, was “most inclusive”, and represents the identities of people living in the main campus areas, says UHI. That is a shame. It doesn’t go far enough.
Reclaiming Caledonia
There’s no point in me rubbishing them without any constructive suggestions of my own. If UHI is old hat, and I think it is, we have to completely drop it. We must study the finer points of our language.
How about the University of Caledonia? Caledon was the name the Romans gave to areas north of the River Forth. That river rises in the Trossachs, so nothing south of Ben Lomond should ever be called Caledonian.
Now, before you ask, I’m aware there’s already a Glasgow Caledonian University (GCU). It’s an imposter. It’s not north of the Forth.
GCU is bogus, and is merely another abuse of language. Educationists do it all the time. They think they know better. Arrogance leads them into dire error every time.
GCU was once a domestic science school called Queen’s College, affectionately known as the Dough School. I was there in the 1980s, when two flatmates of mine won major prizes. No soggy bottoms – except maybe mine. Well, they did keep us waiting.
Queen’s later merged with a polytechnic in the 1990s and some twit came up with the name GCU. Oops, error.
‘The north, the west – they’ve lost their sense’
UHI should be Caledonian. That is not just a dream. Sweet dreams are made of this.
We need to point this out to the chancellor of GCU. She’s an Aberdonian, called Annie Lennox OBE. So, I have written to her – and to the chancellor of UHI, who’s only the Princess Royal. They’ll understand there is a more deserving heir to the name. This is not a political point, but based on pure facts.
What about the Caledonian Hotel, the Caledonian Forest and the very fine Caledonian pub on the High Street in Inverness?
Caledonia is rugged, wet, windy north Scotland. It’s the far north and west with, for instance, the Caledonian Canal. There’s also Inverness Caledonian Thistle FC.
What about the Caledonian Hotel, the Caledonian Forest and the very fine Caledonian pub on the High Street in Inverness? There are also Caledonian MacBrayne and Caledonian Maritime Assets Ltd, but I am trying to find positives here.
UHI, meanwhile, says that to celebrate the Gaelic history of the region, the new UHI name will be bilingual, so the institution will also be known as A Tuath, An Iar Is Innse Gall – the north, the west, the Hebrides. Mind-numbingly dull.
We’ll just take to calling it instead: “An Tuath, An Iar. Le Ciall air a Call”, which roughly translates as: “The north, the west. They’ve lost their sense.”
That may, of course, be just my opinion. However, I think UHI has made an error by excluding this worthy contender. So, I am reminded of a saying of Orlando Battista, the late American chemist and author: “An error doesn’t become a mistake until you refuse to correct it.”
When should I expect my honorary doctorate?
I may have to wait a bit longer for my honorary doctorate from the University of God Knows Where, as I’ll henceforth call it. Fine. I can’t just sit around here and fret about what they think of me dissing their long months of dreaming up something so utterly uninspiring.
Meanwhile, at another Scottish university in the north-east, an English professor was explaining the finer points of world languages. He told his students: “Fit like the day? Noo, where were we?
“In English, a double negative forms a positive. But, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language can a double positive form a negative.”
Then, a voice from the back of the room piped up: “Yeah, right.”
Iain Maciver is a former broadcaster and news reporter from the Outer Hebrides
