If you have a cushy nine-to-five job you will not understand the anguish that the rest of us go through at this time of year.
Iain Maciver: I asked tradesmen about ideas for my pelvic floor – one didn’t even know I was pregnant
This is the best time of year to be a columnist for The Press and Journal. Everybody else is having to go out to their workplaces, but I can work from home. My cousin Ann said to me the other day that she suspected I was sometimes at my computer in my dressing gown. As if.
Iain Maciver: Here’s one I prepared earlier – oh for the days when Christmas meant making something from nothing
As this is the second last column of the year, nay, the decade, I shall wipe away a tear and think back to these days when I was a kid full of mince pies and expectations about the payback for being such a good wee boy all year long.
Holidays are coming, holidays are coming.
Growing up in God’s Country - the island of Great Bernera to uneducated plebs - I did not particularly like sheep, our fabled caora dhubh-cheannach - the blackface sheep.
Free internet by 2030 if the Labour Party gets in and it could cost the country £29 billion or up to £100 billion if you believe someone at BT.
People nowadays are constantly making out they are talking about a curiously rare event and then they talk about it non-stop.
Iain Maciver: Bonfire night is an utterly dangerous display of historical farce and should be banned
Whether it is because some people in this area are becoming very posh or because the youngsters are becoming tech-savvy, we got a shock the other night.
Before we headed back to Scotland, we went shopping in Gloucester.
Brrr. It’s beginning to feel a lot like... no, I won’t say that word.
You know when you want to say something but you cannot say it out loud? That can really be difficult.
It is not that my eyesight is worse. It is just that I need new glasses.
Iain Maciver: You may as well just click ‘like’ on organised crime and drug dealing as fall for obvious social media scams
There are online and telephone scams being attempted everywhere all the time.
Some people are all talk. A guy from Point was selling a van the other day.
Sometimes I see stories in certain newspapers and I think that’s a daft one they had left over from the beginning of April.
Iain Maciver: The best things come to those who wait – the rest are welcome to drink synthetic Scotch
All I did was tell people to take a little time out of their busy lives to fill in a form and they may get some cash back from their bank if they were oversold PPI. That’s all I wrote here last week.
Should the people of North Uist remember a daring and hungry young spaceman who broke the rules and smuggled a sandwich aboard his rocket in 1965?
Before he went for his scoff of steamed halibut and Windsor lamb with herb stuffing at Buckingham Palace on Monday, the President of the United States and Potential Hereditary Shareholder of the Common Grazings at Tong, near Stornoway, had a chinwag with the Foreign Secretary about Brexit and mobile phones.
Mrs X has always loved the Eurovision Song Contest, from the days when you could win by just having an easy-to-remember name like Lulu or Dana or Dana International.
The other day I commanded Mrs X to make me one of my favourite meals – meatballs Italian-style.
Someone has sent me their phrase of the week. It is in Latin. Oh help. Something by that great Roman philosopher Cicero, apparently. “Nemo enim fere saltat sobrius, nisi forte insanit.”
It’s only the beginning of October but it is much colder already. Mind you the chilling wind of Brexit could be the cause. It makes my blood run cold.
There was a day that you could go to the pub, drink your fill, talk utter nonsense about politics and politicians, pretend you were an expert about sport and motorcycle maintenance and burp loudly. That was it. A great night.
After another hectic day in Inverness, I was on the ferry back to Stornoway on Monday night when I had a call from The Hearach. He was jubilant. He was aglow. He was dancing.
Maybe I eat too much fish. How many other people have herring for breakfast every day? No one else that I know, that’s for sure. It used to be a mackerel fillet but now I’m on the hard stuff.
A Highland schools football tournament for girls, held for the first time at Invergordon on Tuesday, has been hailed as a success – with Park primary school running out winners.