The latest topical insights from Aberdeen musical sketch comedy team, The Flying Pigs, written by Andrew Brebner and Simon Fogiel.
Tanya Souter, lifestyle correspondent
I da ken aboot youse, but I dinna get a’ the fuss about the budget. So the chancellor wi’ the easily mispronounced surname gets up and waves his big reed box aboot and tells us foo weel the UK Government is managing the economy, like we dinna hae eyes.
The budget nivver maks me ony better aff onywye. According tae an interactive thingy I typed my finances intae, I wis excited tae fin oot that I’ll be 79p richer next year. I thocht ‘at meant 79p a wik, so I went straight doon tae the Spar and spent it on a celebratory Double Decker. But, it turns oot ‘at 79p is my fiscal benefit for the hale year, so that’s me back tae square one.
They hid a budget here in Aiberdeen an a’. I see bus gate fines is up tae £100. So, they obviously ken fan they’re onto a good thing. Cooncil tax is staying the same, fit maks nae odds tae me.
I shall continue tae file a’ my payment demands fae the cooncil in the cooncil bin wi’ the recycling fit the cooncil tak away ivery fortnight. It’s the circle o’ life.
On the plus side, they’re also reducing the charge tae park in the city centre efter 5pm tae £1. So, that’s good: a pound for parking in the toon, and a hunner quid for the bus gate fine ye’ll pick up trying tae get there.
View From The Midden with Jock Alexander
It’s been an illuminated wik in the village. I wiz fascinated tae hear that een o’ Britain’s earliest recorded jokes his an Aiberdeen connection. As pairt o’ a show on the wireless looking at auld jokes, auld joker Ian Hislop (the een fae the TV Show I’ll Hae a News Wi’ You, fa looks like a cross atween Tintin and a Kerr’s Pink) has featured een fae the “Aiberdeen Bestiary”. It’s an 800-year-auld collection o’ stories aboot aminals fit they hiv stored in a special climate-controlled room.
The joke in question is a made-up beast cried the Bonnacon, fit is unique as it wards aff predators wi’ its “amazing flatulence”. Michty, I can think o’ a few locals aroon here wi’ the same trick. Skittery Wullie disnae even need tae flatulate nithin, surrounded as he is at a’ times wi’ his ain distinctive aroma, Eau de Piggery.
Animal with 'amazing flatulence' found in medieval book https://t.co/6ZFsPCc4MJ pic.twitter.com/zAcXk7JU98
— BBC Scotland News (@BBCScotlandNews) March 7, 2024
But even he has nithin on the Bonnacon fit, according tae the Latin, can expel reed hot mineer tae a range o’ three acres. The medieval illustration shows it looking ower its shou’der wi’ a smile o’ satisfaction as it sprays a pucklie unfortunate knights wi’ some fiery looking dubs.
Spikkin’ fae experience, I dinna think ‘at’s a joking matter masel’, and I’m nae sae sure that the Bonnacon is mythical. The pictur fit some wee monk did so painstakingly a’ that centuries syne shows an affa familiar looking creature wi’ shaggy reed hair, the horns o’ a bull, and the ability tae produce warm sharn in vast quantities. I’d be verra surprised if wisna a Heilan’ coo wi’ a bad case o’ rumen acidiosis.
Cheerio!
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