Iain Gordon asked the audience during a talk at James Cook University in Australia if they had any children and a few hands shot up.
He smiled and then asked them how many. One? Two? Three? More than that? And, even as people responded to his inquiry, the Scot, who now lives on the other side of the world, said simply: “They are the light of the world.”
You can see in his eyes that time has not diminished the loss of his eldest child, Callan, who took his own life in September 2011. It was not entirely unexpected – the 28-year-old had suffered from depression and, as his dad recalls: “there was so much hurt in his head” – but nothing ever prepares you for the news that somebody you loved with all your heart is no longer going to be a part of your future.
He wanted to focus on his writing
Yet, somehow, in the midst of their grieving – Iain has two other children, Keeley, and Niall – the family resolved to establish a legacy which would celebrate Callan’s memory.
The youngster loved books and writing, possessed a vivid imagination and, after graduating in psychology from Liverpool University, took jobs such as a postman and a refuse collector, so he could concentrate on spending his afternoons fulfilling his passion for putting words on the page.
And, although none of his work was published, that didn’t mean others should be denied the same opportunity. Hence the creation of the Callan Gordon Award, in assocation with Scottish Books Trust, a decade ago.
Award transforming lives
The initiative has been an outstanding success and Iain is rightly proud of the fashion in which it has already provided several people – aged between 18 and 35 – with their opening into a literary circuit which can often seem overwhelming.
Thus far, the family has sponsored a number of beneficiaries who have gone on to do impressive things as writers. The maiden recipient, Samuel Tongue, spoke of how the Callan Gordon Award transformed his life, enabling him to develop and enhance his own skills in both poetry and performance, and he has subsequently reaped myriad benefits from this initial impetus, including publication and being involved in book festival appearances, workshops, and international residencies.
Another recipient, Karyn Buckland, who produced a striking work, Cold Call, which was turned into an acclaimed Channel 5 psychological thriller, starring Sally Lindsay, also praised the generosity of the Gordon family and acknowledged that the award was a major factor in contributing to the start of her career as a screenwriter.
‘I wish he was there with us’
There’s always the feeling: “What might we have done?” when somebody passes before their time, but Iain recognises that such journeys often end up going down a cul de sac.
He said: “I think about it almost daily. I wish that he was with us, but I also respect the choice he made to end his suffering. By living each day that he did, while in so much pain, he was demonstrating his love for others.”
At the very least, he and his family are determined that Callan should not be defined by how he departed the world, but the qualities he brought to it while he was here.
And, in that light, his dad, who studied at Robert Gordon’s College from 1969 onwards and later became the chief executive of the James Hutton Institute, has had his spirits lifted by watching how others can achieve recognition for their writing, even if his beloved boy was not able to do that himself. “Not because he didn’t have the talent, but because he wasn’t given the opportunities that Scottish Book Trust has to offer.”
The venture will go forward
Iain, quite rightly, is concerned about the prevalence of suicides among young Scots and men in particular. He wants people to ask about Callan, discuss the life he led and the experiences he faced and urges them to talk about the person, the human being at the centre of the story and not concentrate on what happened at the end.
These aren’t easy issues and there are no instant panaceas. But the fact the Gordons are able to speak about these things after suffering such tragedy is praiseworthy in itself.
And nothing was ever solved by keeping it bottled up.
All the award details can be found at: scottishbooktrust.com
- If you are struggling with your mental health, you can phone Breathing Space on 0800 838587 or Samaritans on 116 123.
