Which is worse — cancer or a stroke? It’s a question no one wants to be able to answer, but Tommy Neilson can.
Tommy, 62, has had bowel cancer, lung cancer and liver cancer (twice).
Last year, just as he thought his health problems were behind him, the former haulage driver suffered a stroke that he is only now recovering from.
But which was worse? For Tommy, there’s a clear winner.
“The stroke was a lot worse,” Tommy says. “That was scary. I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t even get out of bed.”
Cancer shock after holiday in Lanzarote
Tommy has had so many health issues over the years — and survived them all — that he’s a legend in his home town.
“They call me the miracle man of Fraserburgh,” he says, before recounting his grueling bouts with illness.
His first was bowel cancer at the age of just 39. It was 2000 and Tommy was working as a tipper driver at the St Fergus Gas Terminal just north of Peterhead.
Life was good. He loved his job and had just been on holiday to Lanzarote with wife Margaret and four children.
One morning, he found blood in his stools. He started to feel unwell, and though his doctor initially thought it was a stomach bug that would soon clear up, the illness continued.
Margaret – whose mother had recently died of cancer – pushed for blood tests and Tommy was taken to hospital. Doctors found a blockage in his bowel that would be diagnosed as cancer.
The diagnosis, he says, was like a car crash: “Everything implodes, and you lose control of everything.”
How Tommy met his ‘car quine’ Margaret and fell in love
His initial thought was how to tell Margaret.
The two had been together since they were teenagers — they first met at the Broadgate in Fraserburgh when Tommy was hanging out with friends and Margaret was what he calls one of the “car quines”.
They met again at a dance at the Station Hotel. Tommy still remembers the name of the DJ — Brian Topping — but the rest of the night is a blur.
After that, the two were inseparable.
“Margaret always seemed to show up, wherever I was,” he says. “It was as if we were like two magnets.”
They married in August 1983, and daughter Louise was born a year later, followed by Jenna and then the twins Johnathan and Jamie in 1989.
Now, faced with news of Tommy’s bowel cancer, Margaret rallied the family. Tommy says it was his wife’s love that helped him through each of his illnesses. More recently, he’s also been helped by Teddy, his faithful shih tzu.
“She’s been by my side and never faltered,” he continues. “We’ve been together since she was 15, and we’re still here yet.”
A 50/50 survival chance, and waking up in a ‘morgue’
Thanks to the bowel operation, and a round of chemotherapy, Tommy made a full recovery.
But in 2006, he was back in hospital after feeling unwell. This time, doctors diagnosed liver and lung cancer, and the outlook wasn’t good.
“Basically, they told me there was nothing they could do,” Tommy says. “But I said to Margaret, don’t tell the kids. I’m going to fight this.”
Two days later, Tommy gets a phone call. It’s a new surgeon who thinks Tommy is fit enough to undergo an operation that would cut away almost three quarters of his liver – leaving him just enough to avoid liver failure, while also excising the cancer.
The operation carried a lot of risk.
Tommy was told he had a 50/50 chance of survival (a later operation would tackle the lung cancer). But he discussed it with Margaret and agreed to go ahead.
He only remembers a few things from the day of the operation. Chatting to Margaret beforehand. Taking a couple of pills. And then being taken down to theatre not knowing if he’d come back.
“I never even looked at my wife,” he says. “I just cried all the way down.”
The operation lasted from eight in the morning to 2am the next day. It was a success, but that’s not how Tommy saw it when he came to in the high dependency ward.
He later found out that patients are wrapped in tin foil to help their recovery, but — still dazed from the operation — he panicked when he saw what he thought were people being prepared for the oven.
“I saw all these people wrapped in tin foil, and thought, am I in the morgue?” he says, laughing. “I didn’t really know where I was.”
Laser surgery and a quick recovery
In 2011, Tommy’s liver cancer returned. Cutting away three-quarters of his liver had not been enough and he had to have another operation
Technology had advanced, however, and his new procedure would be by laser surgery.
Instead of lasting 18 hours, it would take just eight — and his chances of surviving it were considerably greater. In fact, everything went so smoothly that Tommy had his operation on Thursday and was back home by Monday.
“Record time,” he says.
Over the next few years, Tommy went for regular blood scans in case the cancer came back for a fifth time. So far, he’s been cancer free. But that’s not what he thought after his stroke last year.
It happened on a Monday morning. Work phoned Margaret after Tommy failed to come to work and his daughter found him still in bed unable to lift one of his arms.
He was rushed to hospital, but when they scanned his head, Tommy — so accustomed to cancer scans — thought the doctors were checking for something else.
“I thought, ok, this cancer has probably gone to my brain now,” he says.
Unable to walk and desperate, Tommy faces some dark moments
But it wasn’t cancer. It was a stroke. And it was to plunge Tommy into one of the darkest periods of his life.
The worst part was his lack of mobility. At first, his couldn’t even sit up. The muscles in his chest and stomach were “totally numb”, he recalls.
He was incontinent, and couldn’t take himself to the toilet. Everything was done with bed pans and pads.
“It was a nightmare,” he says.
Tommy doesn’t remember this, but three days after his stroke he wrote “help” on his Facebook page.
Later, lying in bed in Albyn hospital, he considered taking his own life.
What stopped him were thoughts about his family; leaving Margaret without a husband, his children without a dad and his grandchildren without a grandpa.
‘Bulletproof’ Tommy puts on his positive pants
So far, Tommy is beating his stroke. He threw himself into his recovery and is back walking and even running.
And though he knows not everyone makes it through cancer, he’s determined to show the power of keeping on what he calls his “positive pants”.
And what if his cancer returns?
“I try not to worry anymore because I’ve been worried for most of my life,” he says. “It just becomes a fact of life.
“If it comes back, I’ll just go and get operated on. I’ll plough through it.”
A few weeks ago, a doctor who was reading Tommy’s notes said the Fraserburgh man must be “bulletproof” to survive everything he’s been through.
Tommy, however, puts it down to his support network, and his wife Margaret who is always by his side.
“I’ve always felt fortunate,” he says. “I’ve gotten down a few times in the past, but I’ve always been able to give myself a shake, pick myself up and get going.
“I’m very lucky to be alive.”
For anyone affected by suicide, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123. The Prevent Suicide app is available for download at the App Store and Google Play. In the north-east it is also available on Amazon for Kindles.
