It’s been one dramatic rescue after another. First, the world’s loneliest sheep was winched up a cliff after spending years alone on a rocky Highland shore and then David Cameron was coaxed out of his shed and made foreign secretary.
The remote location wasn’t as bleak as it sounds; there was access to food, water and shelter and Samantha Cameron occasionally took a hot meal down to the hideout at the bottom of the garden.
You may recall that having left the scene of the crime, also known as the Brexit referendum, Dave famously fled to his man cave and for all we know has been there much of the time since.
Fiona the sheep had a real cave at the foot of a cliff near Brora and has now become an internet sensation after footage of her rescue appeared on YouTube.
For the record, the former PM did not invest in any old shed. No end-of-season ex-display model at B&Q for him. No, this was a £25,000 shepherd’s hut “to write in”.
Cut off from the world, Cameron produced a memoir raking over the events that led up to the 2016 Leave vote and Fiona produced nine kilograms of wool, so at least it was time well spent for one of them.
Fiona has been taken to “a specialist home to rest and recover” and DC is off to the House of Lords – will the similarities never end?
Complex rescue operation
The ewe’s rescue was a complex and dangerous operation owing to the remote location and the steepness of the cliff which had kept her stranded for so long.
Thousands of people signed a petition calling for her rescue and initially the SSPCA looked into it but on further assessment deemed it too dangerous.
In the end a team of five farmers and experienced climbers brought her to safety with Cammy Wilson from farming YouTube channel The Sheep Game sharing footage of her rescue.
The video has had 120,000 views and fellow rescuer Ally Williamson, a crofter from Lewis, said the reaction has been “bonkers”.
Ally’s number of Facebook followers more than tripled from 1,200 to 4,400 within days and he was inundated with calls from broadcasters across the world, with one Sky News reporter telling him: “This will be bigger than Dolly the sheep.”
The Fiona’s Fund fundraiser, set up by The Sheep Game, has now raised more than £10,000, surpassing its target of £8,000.
Proceeds are to be split between two charities involved in the rescue; the Scottish SPCA and the RSABI, which provides emotional, practical and financial support to people in all different roles in Scottish agriculture.
‘Do you have wi-fi?’
Rumours that Rishi Sunak offered a hefty donation in return for the team going back down the cliff and dropping off Suella Braverman at the bottom are completely unfounded.
However if the rumours turn out to be true, I’ll report back, and probably throw in a few quid myself.
I can just picture Suella on the rocks, squinting up at her mobile phone, trying to get a signal and yelling to passing kayakers: “Do you have wi-fi? I need to email a three-page letter asap!”
If the cliff plan doesn’t work perhaps Rishi could pack off the former home secretary to a haunted castle in Argyll which is seeking a live-in manager.
Barcaldine Castle, on the banks of Loch Creran, is said to be haunted by the ghost of Donald Campbell, Laird of Barcaldine, who was murdered by arch enemy Stewart of Appin during the nearby Massacre of Glencoe.
Barcaldine’s owners have advertised for a host couple to run the six-bedroom castle and are offering a “competitive salary” and a one-bedroom apartment.
It all sounds great apart from the supernatural activity and the chance of running into Michelle Mone who, let’s face it, has to be hiding somewhere.
Mone, along with her husband Douglas Barrowman, has finally admitted links to a company awarded £200m government PPE contracts during the pandemic.
The Ultimo boss was handed a life peerage by David Cameron in 2015, but hasn’t been seen since taking a leave of absence from the Lords last December.
Perhaps like her fellow peer and new foreign secretary, Michelle also has a shed at the bottom of the garden.