Fa kint photo editing could be such a fascinatin’ affair?
So, it came to pass that Princess Kate’s efforts to dampen doon the bonfire of conspiracies aboot her abdominal op ended up pooring petrol on the flames and sparkin’ a worldwide conflagration of the social-media ether.
Oh, fit a daft quine – and loon, coz Willie was obviously in on the ruse – to think a homemade, touched-up-happy photie would win ower the Doubting Thomases. Ironically, it was those very DTs who first identified the tell-tale touch-ups, even before the big photo agencies had a closer look and “killed” the picture. Dramatic stuff.
Where, oh where, were the royal couple’s “comms”, as they’re ca’d now? Their various public relations bods and private secretaries. My spies tell me there’s recently been a major shake-up and re-recruit of the teams, which might explain their inability to stop the inanity of Kate and Willie virtually sending out their own Mother’s Day press release, with its multiplicity of manipulated bitties.
Millions have been poorin’ ower the photo like it was some spot the difference competition in Titbits. And an affa lot of differences to spot. It’s even been suggested that the snap is part of a bundle taken a coupla months ago, but the bairns jerseys were changed colour to hide the deceit. Nae a good look for the future king and queen.
However, you don’t have to be high-tech to Photoshop. Way back in the glorious days of newsPAPERS – when computers were barely a green light on the horizon, when photography was still a laborious round of taking the pictures, then hand-developing – snappers never knew what they’d snapped until the chemical did its biz in the darkroom and revealed the image.
The EE Goes To A Wedding
Roll back the decades to one of the most popular features in this newspaper: The EE Goes To A Wedding. Every Saturday evening, one of the photographers would into a reception venue, gather bride, groom, a’ the guests together in a group photo, and it would be the centre of a’ the wedding pictures on the Monday. We had families pleading for us to spotlight them.
This night, when oor pic-mannie Charlie hit the venue, he clocked that the bride’s dad was already blotto. No matter. Not unusual. He herded the revellers into three long lines, bridal party in the middle of the middle row. Did his biz and aff he sped.
So, what’s an artful, pre-digital snapper to do?
Sadly, later, in the darkroom, Charlie came to discover the bride’s dad had a squiffy heidie, a sozzled 45 degrees to the side, virtually resting on the best man’s shooder. Remembering it, Charlie told me: “I was horrified. It looked like some gadgie had shot him. I couldna use the pic, but I’d nothing else.”
So, what’s an artful, pre-digital snapper to do? Taking the developed picture, Charlie sliced aff the al’ mannie’s side-restin’ napper, turned it through 45 degrees and stuck it, jovially upright, back in the line. The perfect Photoshop using just scissors and glue.
Moreen Simpson is a former assistant editor of the Evening Express and The Press and Journal, and started her journalism career in 1970
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