The latest topical insights from Aberdeen musical sketch comedy team, The Flying Pigs, written by Andrew Brebner, Greg Gordon and Simon Fogiel.
Tanya Souter, Lifestyle Correspondent
I da ken aboot youse, but Easter is a time fan the full heavy realisation hits me o’ the true nature o’ sacrifice. Cos the kids are aff school for twa wiks an I hiv tae find things tae dae wi em tae stop us a’ gan mintil.
I sent my kids aff oot on a massive Easter Egg hunt though, so at’s a start. “Mine and find em a’!” I sez tae em, also pointin’ oot I’ve hidden eggs as far awa as Peterheid.
They’ll be oot ma hair for days if I’m lucky. This gies me a bit thinking time tae work oot fit the hell I’m gan tae dae wi em for the rest o’ the hol’days.
I am aided in this thinking by the twa dizen half-price easter eggs I am currently scoffin’ files sitting on my sofa by masel. Magic, at. Especially the een I’ve filled up wi a half bottle o supermarket’s own knock-off Baileys. Mind you, I could still dae wi mair.
I saw ‘at news last wik aboot the shopkeeper in Orkney fa mistakenly ordered 80 cases o’ easter eggs instead o’ 80 easter eggs, meaning they had mair easter eggs than people on the island. I wiz shocked aboot at. Then I read they gied them a’ awa tae charity. I wiz ragin aboot at. Cos Orkney is miles awa and I didnae get ony.
It’s easy tae mak mistakes, though. Like yon auld wife doon in Cheshire this wik. She rescued fit she thought wiz a baby hedgehog, nursed it overnight and then fan it wiznae movin’, rushed it in tae a Wildlife Hospital in a wee box wi a bowl of food, far staff discovered it wiz actually the wee bobble aff a hat.
Apparently the hospital diz education trips, so they might wint tae stert by educatin’ folk that hedgehogs is prickly. At’s pretty much the first thing ye learn aboot em fan ye try picking een up and chuckin em at yer classmates.
I’m jist hopin’ these twa things is nae easily mixed up. I’m worried there’s folk gan aboot wi baby hedgehogs stuck on their woolly hats.
Apparently, the aul wifie left the hospital quickly wi the box fan she found oot, so at least she hid the presence o’ mind tae be a’ embarrassed aboot it. She has my sympathy, like, cos she wiz only showing concern tae a peer wee dumb animal. My Jayden is nae so sympathetic, and telt me he wid hiv realised that it wiznae a real hedgehog after jist one kick. Fit a loon he is. I hope he disnae dae at kinda thing fan he finally reaches Peterheid.
It jist shows ye how misconnected ab’dy is fae the natural world these days, fan they canna tell the difference tween live animals and ininimoat objects. My kids is oot amongst nature of noo as they hiv eggs tae hunt, so at’s ok. It’ll be ages till they finoot that I hivnae actually hidden ony and trudge back hame. Time for anither egg for me!
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