Chance meetings and scientific discoveries are the kind of accidents we’re after – not bumping into expensive artworks, writes Iain Maciver.
Accidents happen all the time. I remember one which I had some years ago after I came home from the pub. I accidentally ate the cat’s food. Don’t ask meow.
More seriously, isn’t it depressing how many traffic accidents we still have in 2023, despite all the technology we are told is keeping us safe? I will not mention the A9 road, that horribly accident-prone and neglected backbone of Scotland, any more this week.
Our favourite types, of course, are happy accidents. Whether they are chance meetings, unexpected babies, scientific discoveries or hugely-popular political parties. Oh, wait – meetings, babies and discoveries it is, then. Sometimes things appear to go wrong, yet something better than we dared hope emerges afterwards.
For instance, many were saddened by the first minister’s suspiciously sudden decision to quit soon. Yet, it was a happy accident for those who want to replace her that Nicola Sturgeon threw in the towel. They wouldn’t, otherwise, be all over the media this week promising to make a difference, if not for the FM’s barely-explained notice of exiting stage left.
It was no accident that Kate Forbes has the best Twitter campaign video. A very smiley Katag eyes up the camera lovingly, between drone shots flying over Scottish landmarks. It is super slick.
A few days ago, we were told she was merely “thinking about standing”. Then, Monday morning, a stylishly-produced video is suddenly out. When did they do that? Not on the Sabbath, surely? Heck, she must have started “thinking” as soon as Nicola called Frank to get the door for the last time. Thank you for that one, Janey Godley.
Do Not Touch
Why am I on about accidents? I was thinking about yon dizzy collector who knocked over a doggie sculpture by a pop artist in Miami last week. Worth a cool £35,000, it was.
An accident, sure, but not a random one. It turns out she had tapped the glass pooch, despite the sign warning Do Not Touch. The statue, described as one of Jeff Koons’ iconic Dog Balloons, smashed into tiny bits. Swept up into dustpans by the staff, another collector still offered to buy the fragments because it had a “really cool story”. These Americans.
It was insured, so that’s all right then. When a similar, if somewhat cheaper, accident happened to me, however, there was no word of insurance, and I just had to stump up. I think I was in my last year at school when I went into a favourite bookshop at the foot of Church Street in Stornoway. It’s now a lovely jewellery outlet. Yeah, that one.
In those days, it also had many artefacts on display, including wee fancy gifts and sculptures. This day, there were a few sizeable paintings on the shop floor. Maciver junior browsed as usual in the book section, happened to go around a floor stand and found a large, heavy, framed painting on an easel blocking my way. Lovely watercolour of the road to Point, if I remember right. Beautiful; just magnificent.
I feel for the knocker-over in Miami
Being, er, somewhat slimmer then, I tried to carefully squeeze past, but didn’t calculate the gap correctly. My blazer somehow caught an edge of the easel and I realised, with horror, it was now tipping over.
Why do easels only have three legs? They are really ridiculously unsteady. I tried, honestly, but there was nothing I could do.
It crashed forward onto the tiled floor with an ear-rending crash. Shards of glass ricocheted around the shop like bullets. Millions, gazillions of them. If that shop had mice, they’d have been run through, stylishly, with tiny crystal daggers.
The Braighe By Moonlight, or whatever it was called, crashed onto something which ripped the canvas. “Oh, no. I hope I don’t have to pay for this,” the young Maciver thought. “Oh, yes, you do,” thought the owner.
It would cost me only £40, he said, as if to offer me a bargain. It took a lot of extra chores and visits with fivers to the shop before my debt was finally paid. After that, I was too afraid to go back for years and years. So, I feel for the knocker-over in Miami. I’m sweating at the thought of that toppling easel, even now.
There are many dangerous sports, too, although, nowadays, there are fewer accidents. Mairi and Alasdair were watching the news when the newsreader said: “Two Brazilian men have died in a skydiving accident.” Mairi started crying. She said: “That’s horrible. So many men dying that way.”
He replied: “Yes, a ghraidh. It is very sad. But they were skydiving and they knew there’s always risks in that kind of sport.” After a few minutes, Mairi, still tearful, turned to Alasdair and asked: “Just how many is a Brazilian?”
Iain Maciver is a former broadcaster and news reporter from the Outer Hebrides
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