In this house, as a chilly winter still lingers, we were wondering whether we should install one and the reckless Scottish Government did what it does best.
It suddenly brought in new rules without any consultation or due process, which will inevitably make life very difficult for anyone living north of Oban. It’s the same old nastiness to teuchters.
First, government officials failed to maintain the ferries, then they made us wait years for them, then they made air travel unaffordable, then they ignored all the warnings about fuel poverty in island areas, then they almost destroyed fishermen’s livelihoods with the ill-thought-out and long since dumped Highly Protected Marine Areas legislation. And, now, just to put the boot in, they are banning solid-fuel stoves for anyone who can afford a new pad and anyone else, too, if the newly vicious Greens get their way before they are ousted, never to darken the door of the Scottish parliament again.
I could reel off other laws dreamt up by these toxic bedfellows as they try to stamp a greenish stain on the running of a government supposedly for all parts of this shivering nation. They got them badly wrong, but they aren’t the type of politicians who will admit that.
Do I admit I’m in a bad mood? Yup. If there had been any attempt at a consultation, there would have been a chance to discuss the pros and, of course, cons – of which there is a very long list.
All proposed legislation rules need to be balanced at the outset with a list of the possible and proven positives and the possible and proven negatives. The reality is that governments can only do that by going out and asking real people who are likely to be affected. I can imagine them. “Ask teuchters? No way. They always moan for no reason.”
The reason we moan is because we have to conclude that the once-proud Scottish nation has a rotten government that is now more incompetent than ever and doesn’t care about its people’s health or even what they think – especially in the north and north-west. It seems our politicians do not do much that’s useful. They can find an excuse to get out of anything – except office.
Green by name, green by nature
Humza Yousaf was up here in the islands a week or two back, and he could have hinted that he was planning to wallop us in the pocket again with yet another piece of unworkable and badly-conceived claptrap that will be scrapped by the next government – or it, too, won’t last long. “Hit the teuchters while we can” seems to be the unspoken mission statement of the utterly useless Nats-Greens partnership.
Does ‘Za have what it takes? Hmm. There is probably no truth in the rumour of his recent chat with a colleague. He is said to have moaned: “My popularity ratings are dropping. Do you think I should put more fire into my speeches?” “Actually,” she apparently replied, “I think you should put more of your speeches into the fire.”
Another word for Green is inexperienced and, by golly, are these demonstrably-inexperienced coalition partners not well named?
Because we now hear the new rules could ban peat burning. What do they think we do in a power cut up here? We have no gas in the leafy suburbs of Plasterfield, so many islanders turn to peat to get some heat through these bitter, long winters – in some cases, just to stay alive.
No wonder Western Isles Council has written this week demanding clarification of how this arrant nonsense is supposed to work. Another word for Green is inexperienced and, by golly, are these demonstrably-inexperienced coalition partners not well named?
How to make a teuchter really angry
The latest is that the Scottish Government is claiming there will be exemptions in “emergencies.” Since it doesn’t actually state what is an emergency and what isn’t, I think these rules were drawn up on the back of a fag packet, probably in a lunch break with Scottish Greens advisers, the allegedly ingenious but ultra-extremist Patrick Harvie and Lorna Slater.
Experts in everything from sustainable heating to developing government orders are all saying, the way it is currently drafted, it is much too “woolly” to be practicable. “Woolly”? Don’t you dare insult our sheep. That’s when teuchters get really angry.
All the anger over the blundering Scottish Government’s ill-considered move against solid-fuel burners has reminded me that my neighbour along the road uses a wood-burning stove. It is so efficient and makes his house very cosy indeed. Unfortunately, the poor cove has this bug that is doing the rounds, and he’s been too sick to chop his own wood.
So, I need some advice. Do you think it would be a nice gesture for me to go and chop some firewood for him? Just axe-ing for a friend.
Iain Maciver is a former broadcaster and news reporter from the Outer Hebrides
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