A woman whose husband repeatedly raped her while she was sleeping has spoken of her decade-long fight to convict her attacker and urged other victims not to give up on justice.
Michelle Newman, who bravely waived her right to anonymity, has spoken exclusively to The Press and Journal to share her powerful message with other affected women.
In an inspiring interview with the 38-year-old, Michelle has spoken out about her harrowing rape trial that led to John Lindsay, 39, awaiting a prison sentence.
Lindsay raped Ms Newman over and over again over a period of several months while she was taking strong medication that put her into a deep sleep.
When the Aberdeenshire mum challenged her then-husband about what she began suspecting had been happening, the brazen sex offender denied any wrongdoing and fed her lie after lie.
But after years of stress and doubting herself, Michelle finally recorded Lindsay confessing to his crime and he was reported to the police.
On Thursday, a jury found Lindsay guilty after hearing evidence during a trial at the High Court in Aberdeen.
‘Don’t give up’
Now, Ms Newman has courageously given up her legal right to life-long protection from being identified in order to speak out about her ordeal and help other women.
“To any woman who is even slightly going through anything like this, just trust your instincts because they’re always right,” she said.
“Your instincts know, no matter how much somebody tries to tell you that you’re wrong and that it’s all in your head and you’re crazy.
“Your intuition is right and, if something is happening, you need to report it straight away because there is help out there.
“Women shouldn’t feel scared to report anybody – whether it’s a stranger, a partner, a husband.
“If they’re doing stuff like that to you, it’s wrong, it’s illegal and you haven’t consented to it.
“I know how scared I was, thinking because he was my husband, nobody would believe me. That’s how I felt for years.
“Women who are going through that need to be told there is light at the end of the tunnel. They just need to fight hard for it. Don’t give up.”
Michelle, who now stays in Tyrebagger with her new partner, said that, since the offence, she has built up an “alternative” appearance and persona as a coping mechanism and a way of making her feel safe.
She said: “When it comes to people, I don’t have a lot of trust. Some people call me a hermit because I don’t leave my house.
“Personality and trying to get back to who I used to be is a lot harder than I thought – but I am getting there.
‘I made myself look like this so people avoid me’
“I’ve got a certain look to myself. I’ve made myself look like this so that people avoid me. I’m very alternative. I’ve got over 30 tattoos. I’ve got half a shaved head.
“I think that’s something else I’m trying to get over now and actually be myself and not be so scared – being who I am rather than the persona I’ve played for so long to keep myself safe.
“It’s hard because I’ve always used my outer shell as a blanket and I don’t let a lot of people in because I don’t want to be hurt and feel the way I used to, where I can’t escape.”
When Ms Newman first confronted Lindsay about what she suspected was happening, she was met with flat-out denial.
“He was calling me crazy, saying I was making it up and it was all in my head,” she explained. “I couldn’t come to any other conclusion, no matter how much I tried”.
She added: “After that, it felt like it was all the time he was doing it. I just didn’t feel quite right and I knew what my body was telling me.
“But my head and he were telling me something different.
“Why would my husband do that to me? I just didn’t know what to do with what was going on in my head. It made me severely mentally ill.
“I honestly thought I was really going crazy.”
‘He got rid of everybody around me’
Michelle described Lindsay as “scary” and said that, because of his behaviour, she became isolated.
She went on: “He’d got rid of everybody around me that cared for me.
“He got me away from my mum and dad. He disliked them – saying they were ‘bad influences’ on me. He controlled all my friends.
“Throughout the years, they just dwindled and it was just him and his family. That’s the only people that were in my life.”
‘My dad helped me through it’
Michelle told how she even lost contact with her late father but, when he broke his back, she helped him and the two began to speak again.
“From then on, my dad was the biggest thing in my life at the time. He was the only one I could speak to. He was the biggest support I had at the time.
“It was my dad that helped me through it, trying to stop him getting to me at night and buying me pyjamas to try and stop him getting in.
“He was a massive, big help through that.”
The offence happened on various occasions between October 2012 and March 2013, giving Ms Newman “10 years of hell” before her fight for justice finally succeeded.
She said: “It’s definitely still taking its toll on me just now, but I am a lot stronger now. That’s only through the person I’ve met now, my new partner.
“When I met him I was living on the streets. I didn’t have a home.
“When he came into my life, he showed me that not all men are like that and men shouldn’t treat you like that.
“It was him that gave me the strength to go to the police and held my hand through it all.”
Michelle’s rapist will be jailed
The judge deferred sentence on Lindsay until next month for reports and remanded him in custody in the meantime.
Lindsay, whose address had been given as Duthie Gardens, Peterhead, will be sentenced to jail time next month.
He has been placed on the sex offenders register in the meantime.
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‘He gave me 10 years of hell’: Man repeatedly raped unconscious wife as she slept
