I know someone who once tried to give the Duke of York a ticking off over dirty dishes in the Buckingham Palace kitchens.
It didn’t end well, as you can imagine.
Perhaps I shouldn’t mention it, as Prince Andrew has enough on his plate. Especially now that his infamous BBC interview is being turned into a film drama. His “clear the air” disaster, when he inadvertently banished himself from public life over alleged links to the Jeffrey Epstein paedophile scandal.
Adapted by Scots screenwriter, Peter Moffat – whose credits include crime thriller Your Honor, starring Breaking Bad’s Bryan Cranston – the film reportedly starts shooting soon. The royals must be shuddering after supposedly paying up to $15 million to Virginia Giuffre – to make it all go away.
The allegations are denied strenuously by Prince Andrew.
Get ready for Disherwatergate
As for doing the dishes, I have a confidential source who slaved away on the catering side of things for the royal household.
I grew up with this person, so I have it first-hand; it’s not a story embellished over the years by others. I am calling it “Dishwatergate”.
Anyway, one morning, they were up early at the palace for a particularly hectic schedule of food preparation. But there was a bit of a mess awaiting them in the kitchens.
According to my informant, Prince Andrew and his flame at the time – American actress and photographer, Koo Stark – helped themselves to late-night treats, leaving behind assorted debris. Ms Stark fits in with the timeframe of the story, as she later spoke of how they were “inseparable” during this very period in the early 1980s.
I suppose servants were paid to clear up youthful royal exuberance in their stride, but I’ll let the fearless accuser take it up.
“I was furious and exasperated because we had so much on that day, and I let this slip to one of the prince’s valets,” my source recalled.
‘I was forced to throw everything out and start over and over again, because it kept being put back from up on high. I wondered if it was pure coincidence or something else’
“Soon afterwards, I sensed someone standing behind, and then over me, as I worked. It was Prince Andrew himself, looking like thunder… telling me he knew I had complained about his dishes.
“He just kept staring at me; it was very intimidating. I thought I was being sacked, but nothing happened.
“A few days later, I was in charge of cooking dinner for Andrew and some friends.
“I was forced to throw everything out and start over and over again, because it kept being put back from up on high. I wondered if it was pure coincidence or something else. It’s still very vivid.”
Quite a scoop, eh?
‘When the president does it, that means it’s not unethical’
Some might argue it was just one of life’s tough knocks: a boss teaching you a lesson after messing up.
I see a brave piece of whistleblowing, given who was involved, but doomed for that very reason. In ancient times, challenging someone in line to the throne over the dishes might have led to being burned at the stake, dismembered and tortured, but not necessarily in that order.
I decided against asking the palace to investigate something from 40 years ago because I feared they would laugh at me. But, if they do come back and defend the prince’s kitchen etiquette, then I’ll happily set the record straight – no sweat.
This all came back to me as I listened to a BBC Newsnight producer cooing about their exclusive, and the planned film. There were doubts about the duke’s judgment, caused by living in a deluded world where no one challenged, corrected or even interrupted him.
The kitchen anecdote mirrored a later quote attributed to Koo Stark: “Royal etiquette is fraught with mishaps – some slapstick, some not so funny.”
The film reminded me of 2008 Oscar-nominated movie, Frost/Nixon, which was also based on explosive interviews – by David Frost, with disgraced US president, Richard Nixon.
When challenged about unethical Watergate behaviour, Nixon confessed: “When the president does it, that means it’s not unethical.”
It seems power and privilege can damage some people’s judgment. Therefore, the duke is forever tainted by his Epstein connection and mishandling of the fallout. There is no way back.
The new era of royalty must do better
Believe it or not, I favour the royalty. I love the Queen, the history and pageantry.
But, Charles and William must sweep things clean when a new era dawns after the Queen passes, with a leaner institution fit for purpose, more transparency – and less unnecessary baggage.
When matters of public interest are brushed under a carpet, it has a nasty habit of fraying at the edges, exposing what was out of sight.
At the end of the Frost/Nixon interviews, David Frost gifted the president a pair of Italian shoes as a parting goodwill gesture. I don’t think anything like this will feature in the film about the duke’s interview.
Prince Andrew showed a clean pair of heels when he was forced to flee public life.
David Knight is the long-serving former deputy editor of The Press and Journal
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