It was the middle of August. I was sitting in my friends’ caravan in Banchory, where I was based for a week’s biking holiday.
I’d already done my early morning hour bike run along the old Deeside Way, then up through the town itself, nipped into a shop, and bought my P&J.
Back in the caravan, I sat down with my paper, coffee and warm croissant and relaxed. I turned on the TV, it was set to Channel 5 – I must have been watching a movie the night before.
The Jeremy Vine programme was on, so I stuck with it, on in the background as I read my paper.
I’m not a morning or even daytime TV person, I leave that for evenings. But I’ve seen this programme a few times. It’s a daily talk show set-up, where he has guests on and they discuss the stories of the day.
I like Jeremey Vine on Radio 2, but I do find him a bit too liberal lefty on this TV programme. Never mind, I kept it on.
Not really listening, as they discussed the then upcoming Tory leadership election, I then heard the dreaded word – “Christmas”.
I looked up at the screen and grumbled, a mix of Scrooge and Rab C Nesbit, as flakes of croissant fell from my mouth on to my lap.
“It’s flipping August!” I blurted out at Jeremy, or words to that affect.
Callers were then invited to say what they thought of “early Christmas shopping”.
I expected most to say they were against all this. Sadly, I was in the minority. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
Some callers were genuinely excited and had begun their shopping as early as July. One even said she would be putting up her tree up soon as the nights were getting darker.
More bits of croissant landed forcibly on the coffee table in front of me.
Then there were the young mums worrying that they wouldn’t be able to afford all of what little Jeanie had on her ever-growing list, so they were spreading the cost now.
Sorry, but I don’t sympathise. I certainly would if someone was talking about not being able to heat her kid’s bedroom, but not when it comes to Christmas presents. Just tell little Jeanie: “Sorry, but you can’t have all that this year. It’s just not possible.”
I turned off the TV, jumped on my bike and headed out again. Of course, I had already slapped sun cream on the old head as it was hot out, which made it even more ridiculous that people were getting excited about Christmas shopping in August.
Is it not time we all took a big deep breath and stepped back from the excesses of Christmas? And surely, in the middle of sky-rocketing bills, is now not the perfect time to do so?
I also do not believe that just because a kid does not get the latest electronic gadget that they can’t enjoy Christmas. My godson in Canada, Finn, is as normal as any other kid his age and would no doubt be delighted if I bought him something glitzy costing hundreds.
I don’t and never will.
Sure, I bought him a small present, but more importantly I spent time with him every day, and even taught him to play darts.
Also, when in Canada last December, I spent a special day with him and younger brother Rilke, putting up the tree, as Dean Martin Christmas songs filled the airwaves.
They boys were so focused, engrossed even. For once the TV and internet games were not important.
They were also excited when I made flapjacks and wanted to join in. I think we can replicate this with all things surrounding Christmas.
My point being that all kids, I believe, once they get into it, would adore getting off-grid and away from iPhones and game consoles. Get them in the kitchen, make cookies, even your own mince pies.
Family together time, old funny movies, and sure a present or two; how about a secret Santa present instead? Or even get them to make presents? So much fun.
We have a cost-of-living crisis, or as I prefer to call it, a cost of lockdown crisis (but more about that in due course), bills going thorough the roof, people saying it’s heat or eat – then why, pray tell me, are so many already shopping for Christmas? I don’t get it.
“Spreading the cost” is the usual reason given. Fair enough, but why not just scale it all back? Do we really need this abundance of food and presents? And how much of it will be unwanted or wasted? Countless tons I’d guess.
Many years ago, I remember saying to my dear friend John: “Wouldn’t it be great if we could afford to drink the best wine in the world every single day?”
“No,” he said.
I was astonished, because John was a connoisseur of fine wines.
“Why?” I asked
“Because if we could do that, then it would leave nothing special for special occasions,” he replied with wisdom.
John was right. Surely the same can be said regarding all things Christmas?
Eating mince pies or brandy butter from October onwards won’t do your waistline any good I’d imagine. But more importantly, where then is the exciting, unique, once-a-year guilty pleasure of eating a mince pie come Christmas time? It doesn’t exist, people have been munching them for weeks.
And as for hearing Christmas music on a loop in shops countless weeks in advance, that really should be banned until December!
Look, if someone genuinely gets a kick out of Christmas months in advance, then it’s not for me tell them not to. And I wouldn’t. I simply feel that we are collectively spoiling what was once a few days of magic.
As far as I know, Muslims don’t go on about Eid months in advance, Jews don’t go on about Yom Kippur months in advance, and Hindus or Sikhs don’t go on about Diwali months in advance. And I’m sure genuine Christians don’t go on about Christmas months in advance. It’s simply now western society worshipping the greedy god of consumerism.
I bet it’s only a matter of weeks before big supermarkets will have banners in them proclaiming “It’s the most wonderful time of the year”. And the shelves will be groaning with Christmas treats and goodies. And they will no doubt tell us they do this because it’s what customers want.
Nonsense. Corporate greed, nothing else.
When I was kid the hype didn’t start until well into December from what I can remember. After the 24th, the shops then closed, even food shops, for days it seemed. And guess what? No one starved to death. We had enough food, way more than enough.
The big stores are open on Boxing Day now. How on Earth is it possible that we all seem to need another trolley of food 24 hours after the last lot?
Be it the cost of living, money becoming even tighter, for religious reason, or even just plain sanity, is it not time we as a society revaluated Christmas and what it means to us?
Surely “Christmas” months before Christmas robs us all of the magic?
I’m currently out of the country and won’t be back until a week before Christmas. Therefore, thankfully, I will manage to bypass all of the above.
The first thing I will know of “It’s Christmas” will be when I land at Heathrow in mid December. Perfect timing, and I actually look forward to that. I just feel for all those who have to face it day after day from October.
If you think I’m being a killjoy, then fair enough. But in my defence this September, I say…
“Mince pie anyone?”
I rest my case.
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