The latest topical insights from Aberdeen musical sketch comedy team, The Flying Pigs, written by Andrew Brebner and Simon Fogiel.
Tanya Souter, lifestyle correspondent
I da ken about youse, but I am nae een o’ that “Abermoaners”. Ye ken, the fowk fit are ayewis on Facebook, bleating aboot the state o’ Union Street. Personally, I dinna notice ony issues wi’ it masel. Course, faniver I’m there, it’s efter dark and I’m blootered.
So, files it disnae bother me that they’ve closed the middle bittie o’ it for 20 months tae dae it up, some fowk is nae happy. Aye, they’re happy it’s being daen, they’re jist nae happy that a major piece o’ public infrastructure is gan tae tak the guts o’ twa year.
But these fowk hiv unrealistic expectations, div they? I’m guessing naen o’ them hiv iver hid an extension built. We hid a single storey pit up in 2017, and I’m still waiting for the boy tae come back and finish the harling.
Onywye, a lang timescale for a development on ‘is scale is a good thing. Ye dinna wint a job lik ’at daen in a rush, div ye? It jist shows ye fit great care they’ll be takin’ by gan really, really slowly. In fact, they are being sae careful, they’ve had the barriers up on Union Street since Monday and, so far, naeb’dy’s daen nithin.
Some say Union Street is nae fit it wis and, of course it isnae – the world his changed heaps jist since I wis a kid, and Union Street reflects wir new reality. It disnae hae the variety o’ shops it used tae, but neither dis naewye else, ‘cause a lot o’ shops his folded or moved online.
But, files I likes my internet shopping as much as the next quine, some things is still better tae get in person – like yer vapes. And it is affa handy tae hiv a’ the vape shops clustered in the same area. It saves ye walking aboot for ages and getting peched oot. Fit happens a lot fan yer intae yer vapes.
Jist as shops gave wye tae banks and building societies in the 1980s, they is now being replaced by bars, cafes and restaurants. The middle bittie o’ Union Street is an exciting gastronomical hub, wi’ a tantalising selection o’ international cuisines tae choose fae.
If I wint tae, I can ging for ma starter at Taco Bell, my main at Popeyes (fit I wis relieved tae discover dis chicken, nae jist spinach), then Maccy D’s for a McFlurry. And then nip across the road for a palate cleansing German Kebab.
The street is much safer an a’. If I’m stottin doon by Union Bridge several sambucas tae the wind efter a quiet nicht oot wi’ my pal big Sonya, and we inadvertently stumble intae the road, we will nae be hit by oncoming traffic, cos there winna be ony.
Wi’ nae cars or buses, there’s noo plenty room for a’ the Deliveroo cyclists tae actually use the road instead o’ zooming past me on the pavement and gien me a fleg. And ye ken fit? I call ‘at progress.
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