I’m starting to think the Tories must have their own version of Monty Python’s Hungarian Phrase Book because there seems to be some misunderstanding over the words “ministerial brief”.
Someone should explain that it’s a sort of cheat sheet for politicians and not a description of how long they will be expected to stay in office.
Record-setting
This week Liz Truss became the shortest-serving prime minister in British history after just 44 days at Number 10, and Suella Braverman became the shortest-serving home secretary after 43 days.
The recently-sacked Kwasi Kwarteng is not the shortest-serving chancellor at 38 days, however, because in 1970 Iain Macleod held the post for just 30 days.
It means Mr Kwarteng missed out on the record by eight days, but he probably doesn’t realise that because that would involve him counting the fingers on both hands.
The only thing faster than the turnover of Tory high heid yins is runner Eilish McColgan who has taken it in her stride after her European and British 10k records were invalidated because the course wasn’t long enough (The P&J, Oct 19).
Apparently there was a 150-metre shortfall in The Great Scottish Run as a result of “human error”.
I’m beginning to see a pattern. Call me suspicious but did anyone happen to see Liz Truss and Kwasi Kwarteng in hi-viz vests moving traffic cones about in Glasgow last Sunday?
At least Glasgow still has traffic.
In Aberdeen the masterplan is to restrict traffic on Union Street and around the beach, but as Rebecca Buchan points out, public transport is woefully inadequate and must be fixed before closing city streets to cars (The P&J, October 19).
Managing to get around is a topic that some people have been losing sleep over and none more so than Michelle Fletcher who has been getting up at 4am to check bus cancellations and share them on Facebook.
Public transport
Michelle has taken it upon herself to share Stagecoach’s X7 cancellations with families after two teenage girls were unable to get home after 10pm (The P&J, October 19).
She has called the service an “absolute travesty” and I understand her frustration, but the bigger picture is that the community spirit she has shown is surely something to celebrate.
What I don’t understand is why this part of the world doesn’t have a better urban/suburban transport system.
London has the Tube, Tyne and Wear has the Metro, Glasgow has the Clockwork Orange, Edinburgh has the Trams – alright that’s not a good example – New York has the Subway…
The only sort of transport we seem to be making advances with is space transport, after Forres-based spaceflight company Orbex secured £40.4 million from the Scottish Investment Bank to fuel its first launch from the Highlands.
Orbex’s rocket will launch from Space Hub Sutherland near Tongue which is expected to be the UK’s first operational spaceport (The P&J, October 18).
Nasa
It’s exciting stuff, if you like that sort of thing, and because my dad collected all the tokens for the Lunar Landings commemorative display case when I was a toddler, I have to admit I do.
Earlier this year I was lucky enough to visit Kennedy Space Center and see the Artemis Moon rocket sitting on the launch pad; stand under the gargantuan Saturn V Rocket and get up close to an astronaut’s spacesuit, complete with its sprinkling of moon dust.
Our guide told us that Nasa had invited people to put themselves forward for the mission to Mars.
It will be the journey of a lifetime but there’s one snag, it’s a one-way ticket.
Astonishingly, around 2,000 individuals have signed up.
I’ve been thinking a lot about it ever since, especially this week, and now I’m wondering if I can nominate other people, more specifically, groups of people.
If so, I know of an off-the-peg government Mars can have if it needs one.
Paying for fuel will be a problem but Hitchhikers Guide fans might recall that spaceships can be powered by Bistromathics, the energy created when a large group of people try to split a bill in a restaurant.
I don’t know how far Trussonomics would get them if used in a similar way, but as it’s now officially no use for anything else it might be worth a try.
Conversation