Pokemon, you gotta catch ’em all … well, actually you don’t really.

Certainly not if you are a fully-functioning adult, in which case you really need to let the Pokemon Go craze pass you by.

And how have I reached this informed decision? By the simple acid test of giving it a shot.

In my defence, I can’t resist a gimmick and the idea of hunting down fantasy creatures in the real world appealed to my not-so-inner geek. (Just in case you’ve been living in a box for the past fortnight, Pokemon Go is a mobile phone game that lets you find and “capture” the Japanese-inspired gaming beasties using your moby camera and GPS signal)

And so it was, I downloaded the app as soon as it popped up and, lo and behold, the hunt began. As I was in Edinburgh at the time, the first Pokemon popped up in the spare bedroom of my sister’s house. Gotcha.

The next came with guilt – I was visiting my dad in hospital when a Pokemon appeared on his bed and was duly snared (Dad was sleeping at the time and I was just checking phone messages, honest).

We were heading home after that, so I continued my Pokemon safari in Stonehaven on the way down to the Marine, complete with detours to where the creatures were showing up over bridges and down lanes … pausing to pick up more Pokeballs and supplies from Pokestations like the library. Yeah.

Which was when I realised I was a middle-aged man playing a child’s game in front of the world. Which is sad.

Besides, watching my mobile screen while trying to walk was making me motion sick. Which is even sadder.

Time for Pokemon to be gone.

But I’m still a fan. Not for grown-ups of course, but for kids. Here’s a game that gets the urchins out of the house, exploring the area around them and moving around. Which is a good thing.

But let’s leave it to the children, eh?

Trident renewal is not cash well spent

Well, I’ll be sleeping safer in my bed knowing we are all protected by the renewal of Trident.

All those billions of pounds on weapons of mass destruction that will never be used is bound to deter evil men trying to kill us, won’t it?

And it’s not as if we could spend the money on things like the health service and caring for the vulnerable, is it?

Nope, far better to spend all that money on a vanity project to let the Westminster establishment pretend it’s still a superpower.

Sorry, when did you say Indyref2 was?

Left out of Euro party

My best efforts to ignore the tedium of Euro 2016 were thwarted by being in Portugal when they won.

I have to hand it to the Portuguese … they know how to party. Mainly by jumping into their cars and driving like maniacs while blaring their horns.

Mrs B and I decided to join the fun, but there was a flaw. Everyone was so busy celebrating – including bar staff – we couldn’t get served anywhere. Which made us the only folk in Portugal to have an early night.