Tunnels are everywhere.
Our bodies, with their alimentary canals, which should be alimentary tunnels, have even been described as just tunnels on legs. I don’t really want to think about the light at the end of that particular tunnel.
Other tunnels in our bodies are into our ears and up our noses. In our arms, we have radial and cubital tunnels, which protect the fragile nerves in our shoulders and elbows, respectively. Carpal tunnels in our wrists are tunnels formed by wee bones which protect nerves and the tendons that work our fingers.
If certain people – like journalists – type for too long on a keyboard, they can get painful carpal tunnel syndrome. That happens when the wrists are doing the same actions, in the same position, for long stretches, and the carpal tunnel presses too much on the nerves. I had it a few years ago. Ouch.
That’s the biology lesson over. I should be charging for this medical tuition. If you have learned something new, do let us know, and I can send you a small but perfectly-formed invoice. OK? Maybe seeing me taking a side job will remind the editor that my pay rise is long overdue.
Tunnels aren’t a terrible idea
Our MP for Na h-Eileanan an Iar, Angus MacNeil, a former member of the SNP but now free of those ties that bind, has come out in favour of tunnels as a possible answer to the islands’ constant travel chaos. That chaos with which the Scottish Government punishes the islands, through its long-term carelessness and possibly deliberate underfunding of CalMac and its ship-owning sidekick, Caledonian Maritime Assets Ltd (CMAL).
MacNeil’s idea of tunnels was immediately pooh-poohed. Then some boffin came along suggesting a very large hovercraft powered by sheep and cattle droppings. That was really poo-pooed.
Islands authority Comhairle nan Eilean Siar is blinkered. It has no enthusiasm for tunnels. The unofficial view of that authority is: “We’ve never been fond of tunnels. They’re boring.” True. There is much boring involved in all tunnelling.
Once you have built them, however, they work well, and cheaply. Tunnels have no rudder problems nor annual refits in dry dock.
Could we build a 15-mile tunnel for less than the cost of two ferries?
Now we hear that the much more progressive Shetland Council leaders have taken the blinkers off and will meet the Scottish secretary to discuss building tunnels linking islands. Three separate tunnels would potentially connect the Shetland mainland with Yell, Whalsay and Bressay, while a fourth could link Yell to Unst. Ach, it wouldn’t make financial sense here. Let’s see.
As the crow flies, Lingerbay in South Harris is 15.26 miles to Waternish on Skye, according to Google Maps. Coincidentally, the Lærdal Tunnel is a 15.23-mile road tunnel connecting Lærdal and Aurland in Vestland county in Norway. It cost £9 million per mile. Being undersea would add a little to these costs. Expensive, but let’s look at other transport projects.
The first phase of controversial high-speed railway line HS2 in England is costing £396 million per mile. Ouch. And the new Elizabeth Line under London cost £1.4 billion per mile. Heck. Nine million quids per mile doesn’t seem so bad. Thank you, Mr Angus, for that info.
Two overdue ferries, the MV Glen Sannox and the newly-named MV Glen Rosa, were due in 2018 for £97 million. Scandalously, and I am pointing fingers, the final cost is now likely to be more than £300 million, according to latest estimates.
So, a tunnel from Harris to Skye could potentially be built for less than the price of two ferries – two vessels with high running costs. If you’re not blinkered, it’s a no-brainer.
Buried treasure in Skye
Someone who’s been tunnelling already, or maybe just burrowing, is Spaniard Juan Antonio Espeso González. Scotland-mad Juan was here in Scotland in 1997 and visited Skye. To make sure he would return, Juan and his mates buried some “treasure” at the Misty Isle’s Dunvegan Castle.
With his good friend Angela, now his wife, and two other friends, they took photos and marked the spot. He says, rather mysteriously, there was an “original” bottle buried. Of what, Juan? Was it just one, Juan? Come on, Juan.
If I dig up anything worthwhile, I’ll let you know. Probably
Juan and Angela came back recently and had a dig about. They couldn’t find anything. As it happens, I will be going through Skye very soon, so I must remember to make time and divert to Dunvegan – with my trusty spade. I’ll study the photos. If I dig up anything worthwhile, I’ll let you know. Probably.
Memories of that carpal tunnel pain still make me wince. I know someone else at a local office here in Stornoway who also developed carpal tunnel syndrome from being on a keyboard in an office all day, every day. He suffered for ages. He tells me it got so bad, they made him get rid of that accordion.
Iain Maciver is a former broadcaster and news reporter from the Outer Hebrides