The latest topical insights from Aberdeen musical sketch comedy team, The Flying Pigs.
Struan Metcalfe, MP for Aberdeenshire North and Surrounding Nether Regions
By Gove, you have to hand it to our PM, he’s a master of capturing the zeitgeist.
Everyone’s so tired of hearing about boring stuff like HS2, MPs with two jobs and Boris’s own maskless hospital visits; what we really want is fun and zany leadership!
That’s why, in a genuine masterstroke, he used a big speech to connect both with current voters and those who’ll get the vote one day, but are currently six years old. Always looking to the future is Boris.
His quite brilliant speech to the CBI (I’ve never heard of them, but presumably it stands for “Children’s Broadcasting Institute”?) addressed his love of popular children’s animated TV character, Peppa Pig. Now, I had old Boris down as a Captain Pugwash kind of chap, but he does like to play the maverick, what what? Many much-loved Children’s TV shows have clearly informed our hero’s modus operandi.
I’m sure many lifelong Conservatives were transported, as I was, back to the late 1970s when our country was going to the dogs due to Labour mismanagement. Thank crikey for that Great British Classic, Bagpuss! Who can forget those adorable mice chirping “We can’t fix it, we can’t mend it”? An obvious inspiration for the government of today.
"Yesterday I went to Peppa Pig World… I loved it, it's very much my kind of place"
PM Boris Johnson tells CBI conference "no Whitehall civil servant would conceivably come up with Peppa" as he praises the "power of UK creativity"https://t.co/jtIu0zy7g3 pic.twitter.com/8zouZihMWX
— BBC Politics (@BBCPolitics) November 22, 2021
Cleverly evoking the image of a disheveled Flump, he stood at the podium, shuffling papers and muttering, not unlike Mr Muddle from the Mr Men for a full 20 seconds. That takes guts!
Predictably, there are cruel and unpatriotic left wingers likening our great leader to other cartoon characters, suggesting that his handling of the migrant crisis is Mickey Mouse, that his social care policy is Looney Tunes, or indeed, that the whole cabinet are Muppets.
But they are wrong – Boris is the perfect leader for a Great British Government; the greatest part of his charm is that he is king of The Clangers!
J Fergus Lamont, arts correspondent
All those who despair of the state of popular music should take note that a most splendid corrective has just “dropped” on that well known, small screen purveyor of high culture, Disney+.
Get Back, is a gripping slice of documentary vèrite, giving the viewer unparalleled insight into the working methods of John, Paul, George and Bungle
You will not have heard of them, for they have attracted little or no publicity, but “The Beatles” may be the most innovative pop group I have ever heard, and I include in that the otherwise matchless Blazin’ Squad.
With a cheeky charm, a retro look and a sound reminiscent of Oasis in their prime, their new series, Get Back, is a gripping slice of documentary vérité, giving the viewer unparalleled insight into the working methods of John, Paul, George and Bungle, as they struggle to create a handful of songs, playing them over and over again for a month, with every second of the tortuous process committed to film. Or so it certainly felt.
How brave of the director, noted Hobbit Peter Jackson, to diligently include footage which, in the hands of a lesser film maker, might have been considered too tedious.
For me, it is a very moving exploration of the artists at work as they chisel away at their endeavours. Try and try again, it seems to say, and you shall succeed. Unless, of course, you split up and become mired in years of expensive litigation.
I wept.
Cava Kenny Cordiner, the football pundit who goes in heid first
Even though I got 37 of them in my career, I am no stranger to an undeserved red card, of the kind of which the Dons midfield carthorse Funso Ojo found himself on the receiving end of down at Tannadice at the weekend.
If you never seen it, Ojo was running full pelt and had to loup the advertising boards round the edge of the pitch. His monumentum carried him into the stand and then some nyaff in shoved him in the chest. Ojo went back up the stairs, presumably to politely ask the lad if his hands were OK, then came back on the pitch, when the ref inextricably sends him off!
Understatedly, the Reds gaffer Stevie Glass was raging. He had a go at the whistler and picked up a red card of his own. So now him and Ojo will need to take in the Celtic game from the stands – which could be a punishment worse than death if we get another hiding from the hoops!
The fan got his collar felt by the bobbies, has earned his self a date in front of the beak and had his season ticket removed by the Tangerines.
After the game, my pal Dunter Duncan says to me, he says: “You’re lucky that wasn’t you, Kenny!” But they is dead wrong. The United fan is lucky it wasn’t me!
If I’d been shoved like that by a supporter during my career, they’d have removed his season ticket, right enough, but they’d have needed a torch to find it and a pair of forceps to get it out.
