Calendar An icon of a desk calendar. Cancel An icon of a circle with a diagonal line across. Caret An icon of a block arrow pointing to the right. Email An icon of a paper envelope. Facebook An icon of the Facebook "f" mark. Google An icon of the Google "G" mark. Linked In An icon of the Linked In "in" mark. Logout An icon representing logout. Profile An icon that resembles human head and shoulders. Telephone An icon of a traditional telephone receiver. Tick An icon of a tick mark. Is Public An icon of a human eye and eyelashes. Is Not Public An icon of a human eye and eyelashes with a diagonal line through it. Pause Icon A two-lined pause icon for stopping interactions. Quote Mark A opening quote mark. Quote Mark A closing quote mark. Arrow An icon of an arrow. Folder An icon of a paper folder. Breaking An icon of an exclamation mark on a circular background. Camera An icon of a digital camera. Caret An icon of a caret arrow. Clock An icon of a clock face. Close An icon of the an X shape. Close Icon An icon used to represent where to interact to collapse or dismiss a component Comment An icon of a speech bubble. Comments An icon of a speech bubble, denoting user comments. Ellipsis An icon of 3 horizontal dots. Envelope An icon of a paper envelope. Facebook An icon of a facebook f logo. Camera An icon of a digital camera. Home An icon of a house. Instagram An icon of the Instagram logo. LinkedIn An icon of the LinkedIn logo. Magnifying Glass An icon of a magnifying glass. Search Icon A magnifying glass icon that is used to represent the function of searching. Menu An icon of 3 horizontal lines. Hamburger Menu Icon An icon used to represent a collapsed menu. Next An icon of an arrow pointing to the right. Notice An explanation mark centred inside a circle. Previous An icon of an arrow pointing to the left. Rating An icon of a star. Tag An icon of a tag. Twitter An icon of the Twitter logo. Video Camera An icon of a video camera shape. Speech Bubble Icon A icon displaying a speech bubble WhatsApp An icon of the WhatsApp logo. Information An icon of an information logo. Plus A mathematical 'plus' symbol. Duration An icon indicating Time. Success Tick An icon of a green tick. Success Tick Timeout An icon of a greyed out success tick. Loading Spinner An icon of a loading spinner.

The Flying Pigs: Boris Johnson has more in common with Mr Muddle than Peppa Pig

Boris Johnson made a meandering speech at the CBI (Photo:
Boris Johnson made a meandering speech at the CBI (Photo:

The latest topical insights from Aberdeen musical sketch comedy team, The Flying Pigs.

Struan Metcalfe, MP for Aberdeenshire North and Surrounding Nether Regions

By Gove, you have to hand it to our PM, he’s a master of capturing the zeitgeist.

The Flying Pigs

Everyone’s so tired of hearing about boring stuff like HS2, MPs with two jobs and Boris’s own maskless hospital visits; what we really want is fun and zany leadership!

That’s why, in a genuine masterstroke, he used a big speech to connect both with current voters and those who’ll get the vote one day, but are currently six years old. Always looking to the future is Boris.

His quite brilliant speech to the CBI (I’ve never heard of them, but presumably it stands for “Children’s Broadcasting Institute”?) addressed his love of popular children’s animated TV character, Peppa Pig. Now, I had old Boris down as a Captain Pugwash kind of chap, but he does like to play the maverick, what what? Many much-loved Children’s TV shows have clearly informed our hero’s modus operandi.

I’m sure many lifelong Conservatives were transported, as I was, back to the late 1970s when our country was going to the dogs due to Labour mismanagement. Thank crikey for that Great British Classic, Bagpuss! Who can forget those adorable mice chirping “We can’t fix it, we can’t mend it”? An obvious inspiration for the government of today.

Cleverly evoking the image of a disheveled Flump, he stood at the podium, shuffling papers and muttering, not unlike Mr Muddle from the Mr Men for a full 20 seconds. That takes guts!

Predictably, there are cruel and unpatriotic left wingers likening our great leader to other cartoon characters, suggesting that his handling of the migrant crisis is Mickey Mouse, that his social care policy is Looney Tunes, or indeed, that the whole cabinet are Muppets.

But they are wrong – Boris is the perfect leader for a Great British Government; the greatest part of his charm is that he is king of The Clangers!

J Fergus Lamont, arts correspondent

All those who despair of the state of popular music should take note that a most splendid corrective has just “dropped” on that well known, small screen purveyor of high culture, Disney+.

Get Back, is a gripping slice of documentary vèrite, giving the viewer unparalleled insight into the working methods of John, Paul, George and Bungle

You will not have heard of them, for they have attracted little or no publicity, but “The Beatles” may be the most innovative pop group I have ever heard, and I include in that the otherwise matchless Blazin’ Squad.

With a cheeky charm, a retro look and a sound reminiscent of Oasis in their prime, their new series, Get Back, is a gripping slice of documentary vérité, giving the viewer unparalleled insight into the working methods of John, Paul, George and Bungle, as they struggle to create a handful of songs, playing them over and over again for a month, with every second of the tortuous process committed to film. Or so it certainly felt.

 

How brave of the director, noted Hobbit Peter Jackson, to diligently include footage which, in the hands of a lesser film maker, might have been considered too tedious.

For me, it is a very moving exploration of the artists at work as they chisel away at their endeavours. Try and try again, it seems to say, and you shall succeed. Unless, of course, you split up and become mired in years of expensive litigation.

I wept.

Cava Kenny Cordiner, the football pundit who goes in heid first

Even though I got 37 of them in my career, I am no stranger to an undeserved red card, of the kind of which the Dons midfield carthorse Funso Ojo found himself on the receiving end of down at Tannadice at the weekend.

If you never seen it, Ojo was running full pelt and had to loup the advertising boards round the edge of the pitch. His monumentum carried him into the stand and then some nyaff in shoved him in the chest. Ojo went back up the stairs, presumably to politely ask the lad if his hands were OK, then came back on the pitch, when the ref inextricably sends him off!

Midfielder Funso Ojo during an Aberdeen training session at Cormack Park (Photo: SNS Group)

Understatedly, the Reds gaffer Stevie Glass was raging. He had a go at the whistler and picked up a red card of his own. So now him and Ojo will need to take in the Celtic game from the stands – which could be a punishment worse than death if we get another hiding from the hoops!

The fan got his collar felt by the bobbies, has earned his self a date in front of the beak and had his season ticket removed by the Tangerines.

After the game, my pal Dunter Duncan says to me, he says: “You’re lucky that wasn’t you, Kenny!” But they is dead wrong. The United fan is lucky it wasn’t me!

If I’d been shoved like that by a supporter during my career, they’d have removed his season ticket, right enough, but they’d have needed a torch to find it and a pair of forceps to get it out.


@FlyingPigNews

Read more by The Flying Pigs:

Already a subscriber? Sign in

[[title]]

[[text]]