Oh Dave, Dave, Dave. How do you expect me to defend you when you’ve made possibly your greatest error of judgement since you wore socks with sandals to your wife’s fashion show in 2020?
The sarong I got on board with, the petulant kick during the 1998 World Cup I’ve put behind me, even Posh’s oversharing about your underwear choices I’ve managed to forget.
But this latest, well, it’s just embarrassing.
After all the points you earned just weeks ago when you queued for 12 hours to pay respects to the late Queen while other ‘VIPs’ jumped the queue, this week the backlash began in earnest, and for what?
For a rumoured £10 million deal to be an ambassador for an event so mired in controversy that ardent football fans are opting to watch Christmas films instead of the beautiful game.
Twenty years ago you blazed a trail for LGBT rights, posing on the cover of Attitude saying you were “honoured to have the tag of gay icon” and now you’re in bed with a regime that puts gay people in prison, discriminates against women and exploits workers?
What were you thinking?
Comedian Joe Lycett kicked off the celebrity protests at the start of the week by staging a stunt with £10,000 and a shredder, and on Wednesday singer Will Young called the ambassadorial role ‘odious’.
I fear the damage to your reputation will be irreparable, just when you might need it as you are reportedly “open to holding talks” with potential bidders for Manchester United who want Brand Beckham in their corner.
I haven’t forgotten your work with Unicef and the fact that you donated all of your £3.4 million salary to children’s charities in France when you played there, but I think it’s game over for you and me.
Here’s looking at you, Goldenballs. We’ll always have Paris Saint-Germain.
Panda predictions
Meanwhile in Qatar two giant pandas tasked with predicting Word Cup winners have achieved a 33% success rate (The P&J, Nov 24).
Thuraya and Suhail have been selecting the winner for each group game by putting their paws or noses on flags placed in their enclosure.
They have correctly guessed Ecuador would beat Qatar, England would overcome Iran, Japan’s win over Germany and France’s victory against Australia.
They fancied Wales to beat the USA but it finished 1-1, although they can be forgiven for that as there is no way for them to predict a draw.
Supreme Court
It isn’t just pandas who could have predicted Wednesday’s Supreme Court ruling that Holyrood does not have the power to hold an independence referendum without Westminster’s approval.
The SNP’s legal move was always a Hail Mary pass but what happens next is less predictable.
Within hours of the decision, 14 rallies took place across Scotland, including in Aberdeen and Inverness, and the debate became less about independence than about the wider issue of democracy.
Alex Salmond told a rally in Inverurie that the UK Government has “sat on a thistle” (The P&J, Nov 23) but what struck me more was where the Tories did NOT sit – and that’s on the benches in the Commons Chamber during the Urgent Question tabled by the SNP’s Ian Blackford following the court’s decision.
At one point I counted just six MPs on the government’s side of the House while the Opposition benches were packed and it’s just the sort of detachment that could see this government relegated at the General Election.
City centre
Meanwhile, Aberdeen has upped its game over plans to create a rapid transit system (The P&J, Nov 24).
Any public transport initiative is welcome if it makes it easier for people to get around the region and in and out of the city centre – where changes have also been gathering pace.
Artists are breathing new life into some of the many vacant units with plans for start-up businesses, pop-up ventures and exhibitions (The P&J, Nov 22).
City centres the world over have suffered a series of defeats, including online shopping and Covid, that has made them want to hang up their boots for good.
But Aberdeen is showing that with creative strategies and a strong team spirit it may well turn its fortunes around in the second half.
Conversation