Talking Point: Why are we scared to fail?

I’ve failed at a fair few things in life, from keeping up a skincare regime to messing up my driving test a remarkable five times.

But the deeper mistakes, the failings I feel on a very personal level – well they still have the power to keep me up at night years down the line.

Failing, be that in our personal or professional lives, is an unwelcome character in our story.

Even the most impressive of people fail along the way however, as proven by the immensely popular podcast How to Fail, with Elizabeth Day.

The novelist/journalist has interviewed a wide range of people – from Dame Sheila Hancock to Geena Davis, Tom Daley and Greta Thunberg.

No one is immune to failure; just look at football legend Lionel Messi, who had to lose many a game including three Copa America finals and a World Cup final before finally securing glory at this year’s World Cup.

I have interviewed two very different people on their experience of failure, and discovered how they continue to move forward.

Jeanette Forbes, OBE

Putting failure and Jeanette Forbes in the same sentence is strangely jarring, for the Aberdeen businesswoman is the epitome of self-made success.

She recently received an OBE at Buckingham Palace for her services to business, technology and charity in the north-east – having set up PCL Group in 2000.

She is also involved with Blue Gentoo and OMMICA, which develop ground-breaking technology in the energy sector.

And just to add to her CV, she also runs Grape & Grain on Thistle Street, which was awarded Bar of The Year at The Society Awards 2022.

Surely the definition of success, what could Jeanette possibly know about failure?

“I think failure comes in many guises; this may sound really bizarre but when I lose a member of staff I have a hard time not considering it as failure,” said Jeanette.

“I have to really think about their reasons for leaving, whether that’s because they’ve got a better job offer, etc.

“Failure has been an integral part of my career, or rather what comes off the back of it.

“What can be learned from it, but nobody wants to fail.

“It’s my worst nightmare, but you have to try and use failure as an opportunity.”

Such was Jeanette’s desire to succeed that when she decided to return to education, she would go to the library in Aberdeen as she did not have a computer at home.

“I had a mortgage and young children, so I used to do work on the computer around 4am and then get back to the house for six and get the kids ready for school,” said Jeanette.

“I started out as a receptionist; determination has also played such a key role in my life.”

The same could be said of Marcin Masny who runs Cushty Cut Barber in Inverurie.

Marcin Masny

He arrived in Aberdeen from Poland in 2006, and can recall just how hard the transition to life in Scotland was.

“We were very poor, we used to pick up stuff from the streets,” said Marcin.

“We had nothing, we used to go out at night and see what people had thrown out.

“I knew I could never feel any less then I did in that moment, and because of that I wanted to succeed in my life.”

Marcin is now a father himself, and believes failure is seldom discussed.

“There’s lots of things people don’t talk about, like failure and being scared of life,” he said.

“It doesn’t matter how many times I fall or take two steps back, I keep trying.

“I’m really scared that I’ll lose everything, it’s always in the back of my mind.

“I’m a father now and I cannot allow life to go wrong.

“But all these things in my life happened for a reason, to teach me something.

“If you don’t learn from your mistakes, that’s the failure.”

If at first you don’t succeed…

If failure teaches us anything, resilience is surely up there?

Renowned author J.K. Rowling was rejected 12 times by publishers, before Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone made it on to book shelves.

The rest is, of course, history, and Rowling, who was a single mother, never needed a day job again.

Lady Gaga is a Grammy Award winning star, but was dropped by her first record label after only three months.

When Oprah Winfrey landed her first job as a news anchor, she was fired for being too “emotionally invested” in stories.

Failure it would seem, is the other half to success.

We can but learn from it, somewhere along the way at least.