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The Flying Pigs: European Super League is dead as a dojo – Markies v Aldi is mair exciting

Spurs joining in a European Super League is a bit like The Avengers calling up Bananaman, write The Flying Pigs
Spurs joining in a European Super League is a bit like The Avengers calling up Bananaman, write The Flying Pigs

Cava Kenny Cordiner, the football pundit who was never only in it for the money

What has the pint of milk in my fridge, the Wimbledon match between Mahut and Isner, and that massive boat what was stuck in the Soyuz canal all got in common? That’s right – they all lasted longer than the controverbial European Super League.

The Flying Pigs

I like to think I know a little bit about mastications in the dinghy back rooms of the bountiful game, but when 12 of Europe’s biggest clubs announced they was setting up their own league on Sunday, I have to say, it come out of nowhere-land and totally knocked my socks on.

The teams involved in setting up the ESL was amazing, it was all of Europe’s most prestidigitatious clubs, and Spurs. Spurs joining in a European Super League is a bit like The Avengers calling up Bananaman, or me waltzing into the Crucible, sticking 50p on the table and challenging Ronnie O’Sullivan to winner stays on.

Almost intermediary, the backslash began. Fans of the clubs was protesting and all the owners was getting absolute pelters. As Monday and Tuesday wore on, everybody was having a pop at these money-grubbing clubs. My pal Dunter Duncan says to me on the WhatsApps, he says that instead of the ESL they should have cried it the €$£. So I replied with a smiley face, like I always does when I don’t not know what he’s on about.

The teams involved in setting up the ESL was amazing, it was all of Europe’s most prestidigitatious clubs, and Spurs

Then, almost as suddenly as it arrived, the ESL was as dead as a dojo. The fans’ voices was heard, the owners seen the fat lady singing the writing on the wall and first Man City, then Chelsea, then all the other clubs says they was pulling out. Like a lads’ night out what was arranged without no one checking first with their other halfs, the whole thing just falled apart. Like a House of Fraser.

View from the Midden with MTV’s Jock Alexander

It’s been a lepidopterous wik in the village. Fa could miss the titanic struggle for dominance fit his been playing oot this wik a’tween the arch rivals fa influence so much of wir lives? Nivver mind Nico-la, Anas, Douglas and Willie, it’s nae the Scottish Election I’m spik-ing aboot, it’s Markies v Aldi.

Marks & Spencers his lodged an intellectual property claim on their Colin the Caterpillar cake and accused Aldi o’ “riding on the coattails” o’ their creation by offering their ain suspiciously similar-looking product. Fa needs Godzilla Vs King Kong fan ye’ve got the caterpillar cake copyright clash atween Colin and Cuthbert? Fit I didnae realise wis that Colin has been on the go for 30 year. Ye’d think by noo he’d have turned intae a butterfly cake. But no, he’s still gaan, and spoiling for a fight.

The hale thing his quickly turned intae a PR disaster for grumpy aul’ M&S and massive win for the cheeky wee upstarts at Aldi.

OK, these discount supermarkets are affa good at offering products packaged tae look affa similar tae mair famous brands, but I widnae hiv thocht shoppers wid get Aldi and M&S mixed up. Fan yer in one shop, ye dinna think yer in the ither een.

Jist a swiss roll wi’ a facie on’t

Fit I canna figure oot is fit’s in it for Marks and Sparks? It’s nae as if the ultimate consumer o’ the product is likely tae express a brand preference. Fan yer five year aul on a sugar high in a room full o’ balloons and unopened presents, fit’s the difference? At the end o’ the day, it’s jist a swiss roll wi’ a facie on’t.

Feel Moira, of course is hellbent on cashing in on the publicity by making Meiklewartle’s ain version and has been up tae her muscular elbows in floor and sugar a’ this past wik. I wish her every success, though I’m nae convinced it’ll sell.

Proclaiming she disnae care for the ither caterpillar cakes oot there as they dinna even taste lik the real thing, Moira has concocted a cake that is unlikely tae infringe Markies’ copyright as it’s actually made fae caterpillars. Fowk should ken by noo that Moira’s approach to cooking is uniquely literal. Fit it’s cried is exactly fit ye get, hence, her cullen skink contains actual skink, her meatballs are at their freshest fan the vet’s been neutering lambs, and her scotch broth is understandably popular.

Similarly, the caterpillar cake is only her latest crime against confectionery. The less said aboot her spotted dick the better.

Cheerio!


@FlyingPigNews

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