Right, that’s it … I am officially sick to the back teeth of having to drive on the A90 every day.

I mean, have you seen some of the numpties you have to share the road with?

The Highway Code isn’t a suggestion you know.

All that stuff about not driving too close, too fast, recklessly or generally behaving like an idiot … that applies to all of us. You don’t get an exclusion for having a big car (yes, BMW owners, I am looking at you).

Which means I am now, seriously, looking at the option of other commutes from Stoney to Aberdeen.

After all, I live just a few minutes’ walk from the train station and the journey itself takes just 20 minutes or so.

Imagine, no more queuing and burning petrol all the way down to the Bridge of Dee twice a day.

No more having to slam on the brakes and shout “oh for …” when some chump decides he’s starring in The Fast And The Furious.

I don’t have to worry about snow and ice (mind you, neither do those who clear the roads if memory serves me correctly).

And I’ll probably pay as much in train fares as I do in running my clapped out Megane.

There are, however, a couple of downsides to this letting the train take the strain.

First, and foremost, is everyone else … as Jean-Paul Sartre said: “Hell is other people.”

Do I really want to listen to inane chatter and tinny music blaring from someone’s too loud headphones?

I have thought about this carefully and decided if I take this course of action, part of the investment will be a super duper set of noise cancelling headphones to drown out the cacophony of the hoi polloi.

The other thing that causes me to hesitate is temptation.

You see in plotting my route to Aberdeen train station I could easily pop into Brewdog … and Six Degrees isn’t that far off and, look, there’s The Moorings (yes, yes Krakatoa).

And at the other end the Station Hotel in Stoney will be shiny bright and welcoming, beckoning me in for a cheeky one.

Which would be great if I had steely resolve. Which I don’t.

So which will it be … shredded nerves on the road or shredded liver on the train?

Answers on a postcard please …

Love of gadgets led to stupid idea

I think I might be taking this love of all things gadgety too far.

You see, a chum recently produced from his pocket what looked to all intents like a sonic screwdriver.

It even had blinking lights and everything. The only problem was, he was about to start vaping with it.

And it looked cool. Before I knew it, I had asked for a shot – a lifetime of antismoking abandoned.

Except after three puffs I felt giddy and sick – just like I did when I tried out an Embassy regal when I was 14.

Smoking – and vaping – is not for me, ta.

Bye to dreich, hi to sun

That’s me getting ready for my holidays … goodbye dreich North-east – hello sunny Portugal!

And hello to the harsh reality of the Brexit nonsense.

This insanity has now cost me cold hard cash because I’m not getting as many Euros to the pound.

Still I can console myself with the thought if I get sick over there, I won’t be bankrupted by medical costs thanks to the EU arrangements.

For now. Thanks for less than nothing Boris and Michael.