Americans tend to be a bit nuts compared to us sensible Brits.
It’s not just their politicians who are bonkers, but the common five-eighths seem to have been short changed when the grey matter was being handed out. It’s OK, yanks don’t get phrases like grey matter.
That once great place has such a ragtag collection of weird politicos who think they would make good legislators and then turn out to be unfit to run a bath, never mind a country.
Yet, ideas that gain traction in the US of A often turn up in other countries. Their healthcare system is quite horrific, and all about your money and how to relieve you of it. That thinking has not caught on here yet, but some UK politicians are pushing for it.
If Boris Johnson, Michael Gove and Iain Duncan Smith were in power, the NHS would be as safe as a pet hamster in the presence of a hungry python. Not my words. That was actually said by former Conservative prime minister, Sir John Major. I do approve of ex-prime ministers who no longer care about upsetting people and saying what they really think.
Islanders, too, said what they think when they told the Scottish Government that their islands bond plan to pay people £50,000 to settle here was silly. If you have such cash to splash, give it to our youngsters to stay.
Is grey hair unsuitable for TV?
Meanwhile, bad ideas in the US have swept north, and now Canada is succumbing to bampot decisions. The latest one is broadcasters deciding TV presenters with grey hair are unsuitable to face the public each evening. They might frighten young children.
Senior anchor Lisa LaFlamme at CTV News in Canada has quit. We now know a senior executive at CTV had asked who had approved the decision to “let Lisa’s hair go grey”.
She should have got approval, apparently, if she’d wanted to stop doing her roots. I don’t approve of that. That executive will go quickly grey himself now the news is out.
I have some news… pic.twitter.com/lTe3Rs0kOA
— Lisa LaFlamme (@LisaLaFlamme_) August 15, 2022
That kind of thinking will be here soon, and will put a shiver through certain veteran STV news anchors in Aberdeen, I bet.
Canadians are sometimes accused of being, er, slow compared to yanks. An original photograph of Winston Churchill was snaffled from an Ottawa hotel – and nobody knows when.
Although the photo – taken by esteemed Canadian portrait photographer of the time, Yousuf Karsh, in 1943 – was replaced by a cheap copy in a cheap frame, nobody noticed – at first. What happened? I could guess.
Uncaring energy giants are causing suffering
Not that you need to guess what’ll happen to the energy price cap on Friday. Average annual household bills for gas and electricity could reach £4,650 by January, say analysts. Yet, uncaring energy giants are keeping their huge markup on prices, so that we suffer and they make mightier profits.
Westminster could stop it, but we have no useful prime minister, no government. No one to approve policies for the big stuff. That’s big, but few are talking about it.
Talking of big, I saw people this week who don’t care about energy prices. They’re passengers on The World, the massive luxury liner that called into Stornoway earlier this week.
They are all shareholders in the ship, minimum investment about £5 million, which is a cooperatively-run private yacht. With 165 apartments over 12 decks, The World is the largest private floating residence in, er, the world.
I must thank someone in Monymusk who recently suggested I try crabbies and OVD. I thought they were suggesting seafood in Doric. You know, Doric. “Fit like?” and “foos yer doos?” Isn’t that: “How’s your doves?” Oh, these north-easters.
I was actually being recommended OVD Demerara Rum with Crabbie’s Green Ginger Wine. I approve, and the more tots I have, the more bearable the news becomes.
How to buy half a cabbage
News just in. A man from Harris asked to buy half a cabbage in the supermarket. They only sell whole ones.
The young lad working on the veg went to ask the manager. He went into the manager’s office and told him a weird customer from Harris wanted to buy half a cabbage head. Then he realised the Harrisman had followed him in. So the lad quickly added: “And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half.”
The manager approved the purchase. Later, the manager was impressed with the youngster and his quick thinking.
“We like people who can think on their feet here. Where are you from?” “Fae Aberdeen, sir.” “Why did you leave Aberdeen?” The manager asked. The lad said: “I’m no a big fitba fan, like. There’s nothing in Aberdeen nowadays but loud drunks and fitba supporters.”
The manager said: “Really? My wife’s from Aberdeen.” Quick as a flash, the lad replied: “Oh, aye? Which team does she support?”
Iain Maciver is a former broadcaster and news reporter from the Outer Hebrides
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