Bill Whyte understands what it is to be alone – he dealt with it for years after the loss of his wife to cancer when she was just 42.
Now 77 and happily remarried, the retired accountant is putting that personal experience to good use by helping others who find themselves there now.
Bill, from Alness, became a volunteer two years ago for Befrienders Highland, which has seen a sharp rise in demand for its services.
And he says the scheme does not just benefit those in search of companionship but brings a great deal of satisfaction on both sides of the equation.
“I was on my own for around 10 years but I’ve now married again,” he tells us, reflecting on why we got involved and what he gets out of it.
“I lost my first wife to cancer when she was only 42 so I know what it’s like to be on your own.
“I just thought there are a lot of people out there and so if I can just sit there with them, have a chat and put the world to rights, it lets them know there is not just the four walls in their house, that there is something else out there.
“If I can help and encourage them that makes it worthwhile for me but most importantly for them.”
‘It’s a worthwhile task’
Mr Whyte, who worked for one of the country’s major oil companies, is now a befriender for various people across the Highlands including individuals in Ullapool, Grantown and Alness.
He added: “I get a lot of satisfaction out of it because they now have confidence in me. Even when I phone them and before I utter a word it’s a case of “Hi Bill, how you doing today?”
“Normally I phone them on a Tuesday and at the weekend, just even a five-minute phone call to say hello and see how they are.
“It’s a worthwhile task. You have just got to have a good pair of ears to listen and patience. I think that’s the most two important aspects of being a befriender.”
Befrienders Highland is one of several groups that has been inundated with referrals and requests for support in recent months.
They currently have 110 matches in place with 44 new ones begun this year, 29 of those since lockdown began.
That compares with 34 matches made in both 2018 and 2019.
Service is a lifesaver
Co-ordinator Alison Campbell says the lack of contact can be more damaging to mental health than worries about catching the virus.
“We have been speaking to some people who have just not been out of their houses since March, literally not been over the doorstep, have been getting food delivered and have just not seen anyone. For the people that are living on their own and are vulnerable, it has been a really, really difficult time.”
“In the summertime, people could get out for a walk in the evening if they wanted to but now it’s getting dark around 4pm and the weather is turning, so people are even more lonely and isolated for longer periods each day.”
It’s quite humbling when you think a phone call once a week can mean the world to somebody.”
Alison Campbell, co-ordinator
There are 63 people currently on a waiting list for mental health matches, with unmatched referrals since March standing at 27. This time last year, just 35 people were waiting and 12 referrals were on hold.
Mrs Campbell says some people have found the service a genuine lifesaver.
“It’s quite humbling when you think a phone call once a week can mean the world to somebody.
“I don’t think we realised how much we were needed at the beginning of this year and how much just having that little bit of contact with somebody can make such a difference when people aren’t getting out and about.
“We have been around for a long time so there has always been a demand for the service which in itself is quite bad that nearly 30 years down the line our service is still needed so that’s quite sad.”
The perfect match
Alness woman Ann Duff says she would “never have coped” with life under lockdown if it wasn’t for being paired up with Bill by Befrienders Highland.
She became a service user of the Inverness-based charity in March as the tough pandemic restrictions were imposed across the UK.
The 66-year-old soon found herself talking to Bill, who also lives in the town.
It’s been wonderful. It’s the best thing that has ever happened to me actually. It’s been really, really good and been really been helpful for me.”
Ann Duff
She says without the charity and his friendship, the last nine months would have been unbearable.
“It’s been wonderful. It’s the best thing that has ever happened to me actually. It’s been really, really good and been really been helpful for me.
“I only joined at the beginning of this year in March as my daughter kept on at me to join.
“I cannot say enough about Bill. He’s been brilliant. He has really helped me. I don’t know how they paired us up but it’s been a perfect match.
“We just seemed to click right away which I was surprised at.
“While the lockdown was on we were just phoning once a week but it’s been face to face for most of the time since. We meet for an hour but it’s just enough to lift my spirits.”
“I would never have coped with lockdown, definitely not. I was finding it hard as it was with Bill but it would have been a lot worse without him.”
Anyone thinking about reaching out to get help should “100% go for it”, she believes.
“It’s definitely something I would advise anyone who is really lonely. It’s life-changing.
“I think there are a lot of people feeling suicidal if it wasn’t for people like befrienders.
“They are wonderful. I can’t speak highly enough of them.”
