A former editor of mine, Alan Cochrane or “Cockers” to his pals, used to tell funny stories about the hot metal days of newspapers when lines of type were composed by hand.
Cockers had started out in the typesetting room and would occasionally be sent running round to a rival publication with the message: “Can we borrow an ‘a’?”
I remembered this amusing tale when I read about a planning application to move the giant Aberdeen letters from the Castlegate and closer to Marischal College.
A plan is afoot for Broad Street to borrow an ‘a’ and the seven other letters in time for Offshore Europe in September.
Just why these particular delegates need an extra special reminder of which city they are in is not clear – surely the seagulls alone give it away?
The conference is at P&J Live so who knows if they will come into the city centre at all?
The Albatross Club versus seagulls
My guess is some of them will ‘do a James Nesbitt’ and head to Trump’s International Golf Links.
The Cold Feet star took to the Aberdeenshire course with a bunch of fancy friends known as The Albatross Club.
According to its website, the exclusive members club specialises in syndicating racehorses and “running golf society days and events for like-minded, fun-loving individuals”.
It sounds a lot like the Trump White House, so it’s entirely fitting they should end up there.
Georgia on my mind
As for where Donald J Trump himself will end up, all bets are off after he faced his fourth indictment in five months.
This time it’s in Fulton County, Georgia, where he and 18 others face criminal charges of racketeering and conspiracy in an effort to overturn the results of the 2020 election.
The location is key because if the case stays in Fulton County, any conviction would be “pardon-proof” – as one legal expert put it – and leave Trump facing years in jail.
If the case is moved to federal court, it’s a whole different ball game and charges could be dismissed on a technicality to do with whether or not he was acting in an official capacity as president.
Not to boast but I’m an expert in American court procedure having watched seven seasons of US legal drama The Good Wife and six seasons of its spin-off The Good Fight.
I’ve also watched nine seasons of Suits and while this taught me nothing about the law, I did learn that it’s perfectly acceptable to wear a cocktail dress in the office at 10am and Megan Markle is way out of Prince Harry’s league.
If Teflon Don 2:0 does manage to dodge jail, there is a greater punishment that could be inflicted upon him next time he’s in Scotland.
Braving the bites
Ten victims, I mean volunteers, are wanted to stand outside for eight hours in Argyll to test a midge repellent.
The makers Smidge put an advert on social media urging: “Please get in touch if you fit the bill and want to make a little extra cash.”
It sounds like something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, but I did consider giving them a call after I accidentally bought a tub of artisanal hummus instead of the cheaper stuff on Monday.
I must have temporarily lost my mind after seeing whole toasted chickpeas and I will explain all this to Mastercard when they call to query unusual activity on my account.
Bradley plays Bernstein
I’ve been giving some thought to Bradley Cooper’s nose this week. Usually I just think about his blue eyes and great haircut, but I digress.
Does the prosthetic he wore to play Leonard Bernstein in the film Maestro perpetuate a cruel Jewish stereotype?
Were Bernstein’s children sweet to rush to the actor’s defence and say they are “perfectly fine” with his depiction?
And does Bradley have any plans to visit the north-east to play golf? Asking for a friend.
Farewell, Michael Parkinson
Another of my heroes, the inimitable Michael Parkinson died aged 88.
Paying tribute, Sir David Attenborough said the beloved broadcaster was generous with his time, wanted other people to shine and made their jokes seem funnier than they actually were.
We could all do with a few more Parkys in our lives.
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