The Meaning of Liff, penned by Douglas Adams and John Lloyd in 1983, was “a dictionary of things there should be words for”.
It took place names that, in their opinion, did not get enough use and repurposed them for feelings and objects that didn’t already have a word to describe them.
Aboyne was reassigned as a verb meaning: “To beat an expert at a game of skill by playing so appallingly that none of his clever tactics or strategies are of any use to him.”
Cromarty became “the brittle sludge which clings to the top of ketchup bottles” while Banff described “that kind of facial expression which is impossible to achieve except when having a passport photograph taken”.
It was a silly idea but I think of it every time I see one of those passport photo booths.
Recently P&J columnist Yvie Burnett shared a Doric word I hadn’t heard before – cadis or caddis, the fluffy dusty bits that gather in the corners of the carpet.
Hoovering has become a lot more competitive in our house ever since we learned this word, with one of us heckling from the sidelines: “You’ve missed a bit of caddis! My turn!”
Culture
Our lives are enriched by words and so when we let dialects and even entire languages fall by the wayside we lose more than a mere sequence of letters.
We lose our stories, our identity and perhaps the most useful tools we have when it comes to navigating our way through life.
That’s why, when P&J journalist Chloe Irvine expressed her dismay that TV drama Shetland had not made more of the islands’ dialect I shared her hope that actress Ashley Jenson will adopt it in her new role.
Granite Harbour aired on Thursday night with some viewers saying they couldn’t wait for the next episode and others criticising the lack of Aberdonian accents (The P&J, Dec 2).
The usual excuse is that accents can alienate the wider population and shows might have to be subtitled.
Well big deal, I turn subtitles on most of the time anyway because I can’t make out what anyone is saying!
I used to worry it was just me, but then I read Michael Caine’s autobiography in which he despairs over actors mumbling all the time and wonders what they teach them at acting school these days.
I’m proud to work for a newspaper that doesn’t just cover such stories as the Gaelic touring panto inspired by Pinocchio (The P&J, Nov 29), but celebrates our precious dialects and languages by devoting column inches to them with the likes of Angus Macdonald, Robbie Shepherd and The Flying Pigs.
Politics
One person who has wielded words to great effect in the Commons is Ian Blackford, who could be relied up at PMQs to land a punch when Labour managed little more than a hair-ruffling.
His Greatest Hits in the Chamber include refusing to sit down, leading a walkout, removal by the Speaker and a football joke about the possibility of Scotland being dragged out of the Euros against its wishes.
Technically, Lindsay Hoyle didn’t get the chance to remove Blackford because he had already left, in a similar way that some say he jumped before he was pushed when he resigned this week.
Aberdeen South MP Stephen Flynn is tipped to take over as the SNP’s leader at Westminster.
What we know about him is that he’s 34, a Dundee United supporter and a fan of The Sopranos, Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel.
The question is, would he exacerbate tensions within the party, but more importantly, would he by any chance have a ticket going spare to see The Boss at Murrayfield next May because he’ll be too busy to use it?
Political reporters hoping for a scoop may want to monitor Gumtree in the coming days.
Being “Born in the USA” is one of the eligibility requirements for a presidential candidate but beyond that just about anyone can have a pop at it.
Ye, the former Kardashian spouse formerly known as Kanye West, said he intends to run for president and that he has asked Donald Trump to be his running mate.
Yesterday Elon Musk suspended the rapper’s Twitter account after he praised Hitler and posted what appeared to be a swastika entwined in the Star of David. Words fail me.
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