I watched the Oscars into the early hours of Monday and then attempted to do an aerobics class for fairly unfit over-50s – talk about Everything Everywhere All At Once.
Halfway through a star-jump I realised I’m not meant to be airborne unless I’m actually on a plane and that what goes up will come down with all the force of a Lycra-clad boulder being launched out of a third-floor window.
I’m at a funny age. I aspire to be as gracious as Jamie Lee Curtis accepting her first Academy Award but I suspect I’m more like cantankerous Hugh Grant who gave journalists a hard time for asking him questions.
Not on the script for Hugh
Presenter Ashley Graham could have wiped the champagne-coloured carpet with the actor after he gave two-word answers and rolled his eyes, but instead she gave a masterclass in poise and politeness.
Who was he hoping might win an Oscar? “No one in particular,” he said.
What was he wearing? “My suit.”
Yes but who made it? “My tailor.”
And what was it like being in the Oscar-nominated film Glass Onion?
“I’m in it for about three seconds,” he scoffed.
Now we know why he picked a career where his words are all written down for him.
Glass Onion is a compelling mystery but even more mysterious is why did Grant walk the Oscars carpet if he didn’t want to meet reporters and where the heck was co-star Daniel Craig when we needed him?
Don’t tell me James Bond didn’t have a tux handy for the evening.
Tom Cruise was in London for Michael Caine’s 90th birthday party and missed the Oscars, despite Top Gun: Maverick being nominated for six awards.
Cruise control
Famous for doing his own stunts, Cruise flew jets and helicopters for the movie but the US Navy drew the line at letting him control an F-18 Super Hornet.
Instead, Navy pilots performed stunts for the movie in the supersonic aircraft.
With a top speed of 1,190mph it could have brought Cruise from Hollywood to London in four hours and 35 minutes had the Navy allowed the film-makers to use the fighter jets for a while longer.
But then you can’t have one rule for Tom Cruise and another for President Zelensky.
Hopes that Tinseltown sparkle would come to the Granite City were dashed when the council rejected a plea to reopen the Belmont Filmhouse to screen blockbuster Tetris.
Computer said no after director Jon S Baird asked about holding special screenings of the film which tells the story of the 1980s video game and which was shot in Aberdeen.
It’s not game over for the Belmont though with a fresh feasibility study scheduled for Monday.
Pressure on public sector
The council said the costs of reopening the cinema were prohibitive at a time when public sector spending is under so much pressure.
Many services have been affected by cutbacks, including swimming pools at Bucksburn and the Beach Leisure Centre.
In his budget the chancellor threw a lifeline to some pools and the hope is that it will extend to the north-east.
Rishi Sunak’s private heated swimming pool at his constituency home in North Yorkshire reportedly requires so much power that the local electricity network had to be upgraded.
He paid for the National Grid work out of his own pocket, as you do when your net worth is estimated to be greater than the monarch’s.
Perhaps it was to spare the PM’s blushes that Jeremy Hunt added swimming pools to the mix in a baffling rag-bag of giveaways.
Day of strikes
As hundreds of thousands of workers staged strikes to coincide with the budget, he announced £900m for a super computer and £8.6m for the Edinburgh festivals.
It’s ironic that he should support the Harry Potter capital of the world when the strikers outside in Whitehall may as well have been wearing invisibility cloaks.
As if by magic there were some breakthroughs in pay talks towards the end of the week, but it’s clear it will take more than a wave of a wand to fix what’s broken in this era of disenchantment.
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