So, farewell, Dame Edna Everage.
I am not sure what people thought of Barry Humphries as his alter ego Edna, and as the appalling Sir Les Patterson, when they first jumped out of our tellies from the Parkinson chat show back in the 1970s. Not a lot, I suppose, but I did notice that my mother and father, for all their disapproval, would sometimes be unable to stifle a guffaw, particularly at Dame Edna’s put-downs.
One of my favourites was when Edna said to some other dame on the show: “I’m trying to find a word to describe what you’re wearing… Affordable.”
Put-downs can come from anywhere. And, just because you are related to someone does not necessarily mean they always have your back.
For instance, did you see that SNP MSP in the Scottish parliament warning that running down gas production in Scotland would be economic masochism? He then went on to urge First Minister Humza Yousaf not to listen to the Scottish Greens, the SNP’s partners in government, dismissing them as “wine bar revolutionaries”.
What a great phrase. Whether you like the Scottish Greens or not, that was funny. Many of the MSPs in the chamber giggled and wished they had thought of it. The put-down, however, did not greatly impress the deputy presiding officer.
She scolded the recalcitrant MSP, Fergus Ewing, for it was he. Deputy Presiding Officer Annabelle Ewing was not happy with the tone and language being used in the chamber. What was her name? Ewing? Yep, Fergus Ewing’s own sister.
Poor Fergus. He cannot help himself. He will stand up against anyone, even those in his own party, if he thinks they are in the wrong. So, he is a tad unpopular in the SNP, but obviously not as unpopular as the SNP is with auditing firms in Scotland right now. Just saying.
BOGOF – buy one, get one faulty
Second-hand furniture sales are popular places to visit for many. We have regular ones here in Stornoway, run by a chap called Simon Dunne. Simon’s sales techniques are different. His thoughts are often posted alongside social media photos of his upcoming yard sales at Parkend.
A few weeks ago, Simon plugged his next yard sale by reminding people of his techniques: “Who could forget previous sales promotions and competitions such as BOGOF (buy one, get one faulty), 10% discount for pensioners aged over 100, a flash sale (although this was due to me forgetting to put my belt on that day), £1 per item or four for a fiver, and optimum product placement (like when we put all the axes and chainsaws next to the stand with the ‘Most Gruesome Murders in History’ books?” He’s well worth a visit.
It is also worth seeing the gripping film The Road Dance, which was on the BBC Scotland channel at the weekend. Based on the book of the same name, by STV news anchor John MacKay – whose folks were from Carloway – it is set in the real-life, thatched Gearrannan village, and is quite the weepie.
Kirsty and her cove Murdo are planning a wedding. Then, not one disaster but two. Murdo is called to fight in World War One and, as he leaves, Kirsty is knocked unconscious and brutally taken advantage of by a mystery man.
And then… Och, just see for yourself. It is on again next Tuesday at 11pm on BBC 2 around the UK.
‘I wrote him a cheque’
I said Dame Edna was great with put-downs, but that’s women for you. Oh, wait. That didn’t come out right. What I mean is that the clever humour of women is the best, and is rightly emulated by men who dress up as women, and thereby become just as clever. And, like poor old Fergus Ewing, that wounding strike can come from someone who is very close to home.
Which reminds me of a story about a certain miserly old fellow on the west side of Lewis. He loved money, and spent hardly anything. One day, he said to his wife Peggy: “Now listen, a’ Pheigi. When I die I want you to put my money in the coffin with me. I want to take my money with me – just in case.”
A couple of years later, he died. He was stretched out in the coffin. Before the undertakers closed the lid, Peggy placed a shoebox beside him.
Her friend Mary was shocked and said: “Peggy! I hope you weren’t daft enough to put his money in the coffin.” Peggy replied: “Well, I did as I promised.”
“You mean to tell me you put every penny into that box with him?” asked Mary, aghast. Peggy whispered: “Oh, thiarraidh, no. I put the money into my account, but I wrote him a cheque.”
Iain Maciver is a former broadcaster and news reporter from the Outer Hebrides
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