Buchan mum Ami Cooper is calling for more support for bereaved parents following the death of her “beautiful boy”, four-month-old, Christopher.
“I couldn’t have got through this without the masses of love and support shown to me and my boys,” the mum-of-three from Longside, said. “But it’s like waking up in a different world. When my mum called the doctor to ask for support on my behalf they said I could download an app.
“I had just lost my baby. My child. It’s not a small thing. I needed far more clinical support than an app.”
Tragic circumstances
Ami’s youngest son Christopher Gray passed away at home on Monday, June 12.
The post mortem stated the cause of death as Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), sometimes called Sudden Unexplained Death in Infants (SUDI).
“I knew that SIDS – or cot death as it used to be called – was a thing, but you never imagine it will happen to you. I don’t know if I’ll ever really get over losing him.”
Christopher, son of Ami, and former partner Adam Gray, was born on January 31 this year.
Weighing 7lb 12 he quickly became their “chubby, happy baby”.
Much loved baby
Ami’s other two sons, five-year-old Ben and 18-month-old Lewis doted on their younger sibling.
“My other two were quite skinny babies but Christopher was a bundle of joy from the beginning. He was never a sicky baby. He had the cutest rolls, just piling on the weight quickly. That just made him all the cuter.
“We all just loved him.”
Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
Describing him as “very advanced, very funny” and hitting all his developmental milestones, Christopher is one of 40 healthy children under the age of 12 months whose deaths are attributed to SUDI each year in Scotland.
Of the 53,000 live births a year, around one baby every nine days will die in similar circumstances to Christopher. This means numerous communities, families and households will be left dealing with the unimaginable grief of losing a child.
“Nobody expects to be dealing with Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. I didn’t even think about it before Christopher,” Ami said.
‘I knew something was wrong’
On the morning of Monday, June 12 Ami woke as normal. Ben and Lewis were in their beds, in their own rooms, and Christopher was in his cot in Ami’s room.
“I knew right away when I woke up and looked over at him that something was wrong. He had changed colour. He looked different.
“Adam was downstairs so I shouted for help. He did CPR on him, then the ambulance came. They took Christopher off him and they tried to revive him too.
“They took him to the ARI but nothing worked. He had passed away in his sleep.”
‘Christopher’s in Heaven’
Ami, 27, describes the days following as a blur.
“How do you tell your kids their baby brother isn’t coming home? How do you even begin to plan a funeral for your baby?” she said.
“I wanted answers… I wondered if the fact Christopher got lots of colds played a part, but they said no. It was just one of those really tragic things that can happen.
“It was Ben’s birthday just after Christopher passed away. He kept asking if he’ll be back for the party. We’ve just had to say he’ll be having his own party in Heaven.”
Never forgotten
A celebration of Christopher’s life took place in private on Friday, June 30. Mourners wore blue and music that Christopher liked to dance to in his baby jumper, was played.
Ami and her sons now visit his grave daily, where she leaves a different gift each day for her wee boy.
Ami added: “I really can’t thank everyone enough for everything they’ve done for me and the boys. I come from Blackburn in England, originally, so I’m not from around here. I never expected this kind of love and support.
“From our family, all Christopher’s grandparents, aunties and uncles, to friends… we’ve been surrounded by the best people. Even the wider community has got behind us.”
Community support
Longside toddler group, where Ami took Lewis and Christopher, Longside Nursery and Longside School Council have started a fund to provide the means for the family to have a day away during the summer.
“We’re so grateful, I can’t tell you how much it means. I honestly don’t know if I would have got through these past few weeks without this. Not everyone will be that lucky though.
“If you lose a baby in this way you question everything, you need answers, you need help to process grief. It takes more than an app or a click on a website. Maybe telling Christopher’s story will at least show other people where to go for help, and how much more help is needed.”
- If you have been affected by SIDS / SUDI, or have suffered the death of a baby or child help and information is available from:
- Saying Goodbye UK
- the Scottish Cot Death Trust
- the Lullaby Trust
