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Frank Gilfeather: Sturgeon’s problems pile up as she captains second division team

Frank Gilfeather says problems are piling up for Nicola Sturgeon - largely because she’s the captain of a team that is second division.

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WHAT was that catchphrase we used to see on banners, or daubed on
bridges and walls?

Scotland free by ’93. Or was it ’83? I can’t remember. But I do recall the figure in question had a three at the end.

And it made me wonder if Nicola Sturgeon had set her civil servants to
work on drawing up a second referendum within the next two years for a particular reason.

Scotland free by 23. It all makes sense now.

There are those who take the view the first minister doesn’t really
believe she will be granted another vote on independence, nor that she
would want one.

Defeat would bring resignation and possibly a coup by Trojan horses in the shape of Patrick Harvie and Lorna Slater, joint leaders of the Green Party and brought into the Scottish government as ministers and
a £30,000-a-year wage rise each.

Apparently, they float across various departments, not quite sure
where they should be on any given day.

It’s a bit like the school pupil who comes to your place of employment
on work experience.

“What are we supposed to do with them?” people ask.

“Just send them to Pret for sandwiches, but tell them to take public
transport.”

Problems continue to pile up for Sturgeon

Meanwhile, Ms Sturgeon’s problems continue to pile up, largely because she’s the captain of a team that is second division.

Not without reason do we envisage she’s unaware of the paucity of
talent at her disposal.

What do you mean hospital waiting lists are off the scale and new
multi-million pound infirmaries are inadequate?

“Have we fixed the appalling ScotRail issues yet? Or is it that we
just don’t hear so much about it these days?

ScotRail is on the list of problems facing Nicola Sturgeon.

“Education? I’ve heard things haven’t been going well for the last
couple of years.

“What? Longer than that? Much longer?

“Right, but we’re okay with sorting the drugs issue, aren’t we? I
don’t like being top of that particular European table.

“Oh, and I gather we have a deficit of £36 billion. When did that happen?

“What? Covid? Blast, I forgot all about that.

“Have I got to do everything myself?”

Yes, first minister; it seems you do.

Which is why pulling those civil servants off government jobs and
commanding them to look at another referendum is probably a good idea.

It will deflect from your government’s inadequacies and offer your
fans the opportunity to focus on freedom, the only word many of them
understand.

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