If you were watching Eurovision at home and had to listen to Mel Giedroyc wittering inanely over the various countries’ artistes and anchor people and over Graham Norton, what did you think? Annoying?
That was a real faux pas, putting Graham out on stage. He does best when he can share his wit and wisdom with a warm microphone, almost like Terry Wogan. I like Mel, but she hasn’t got what Graham has.
And the Archbishop of Canterbury doesn’t have what I have – a clean driving licence. Days after bringing that jewel-encrusted crown down on the head of the King, long to reign over us, the Archbishop of Canterbury has had all sorts raining down on his own bonce.
Some say he let the Church of England down, that he let the worldwide Anglican Communion of which he is leader down, that he let the King down and, of course, that he let himself down. Tosh.
The Archbish was ordered to pay £510 for driving at 25mph. He broke the 20mph limit near his own wee pad, Lambeth Palace, last year. The Archbish – real name Justin Welby – now has three points on his licence. I pity him because he did offer to pay it online, but was apparently not notified of the court hearing, so inadvertently passed the deadline for paying the initial fine of about £300.
There’s no word on whether he will appeal, but he jolly well should. Just because he earns around £85,000 a year and is said to be worth £3 million doesn’t mean he shouldn’t challenge unfair treatment. Someone should stand up against injustice. It should just as well be Justin Welby.
If someone is going to be an older father, it could just as well be Robert De Niro. He and his girlfriend Tiffany Chen have just had a baby. De Niro is 79. Aww… What?!
Baby Gia is his seventh child. Gia is 50 years younger than his oldest kid. The star of The Godfather Part II, Taxi Driver, The Deer Hunter, and Raging Bull is not, however, the oldest dada, or even the oldest celebrity dada.
Actor Anthony Quinn was 81 when his son was born in 1996. Spanish singer Julio Iglesias Snr was 90 years young in 2005 when he died, seven months before he became a dada again.
Three nights of proper choons
De Niro’s most famous line was in the movie Taxi Driver. It was: “You talkin’ to me?” Yep, she was, and there were a lot of sweet nothings whispered as well.
And I need to whisper about other old-timers – sorry, more mature performers – who were meant to be in Stornoway next week. What about enduring rock legend John Fogerty of Creedence Clearwater Revival? What about Chrissie Hynde with The Pretenders, without whom the 1970s and 1980s would not have been the same.
Remember Ocean Colour Scene and Primal Scream? They were meant to be here. Orange Juice was a hit for Scottish rocker Edwyn Collins. He was coming up.
This is sad news. I spoke to Charlie Clark about the Midnight Sun Weekender and he and his colleagues put so much work into organising the event and attracting genuine superstars to Stornoway. But it's a hard market to crack in a cost-of-living crisis! https://t.co/YT7DAelxWx
— Neil Drysdale (@NeilDrysdale) May 16, 2023
Unfortunately, the Midnight Sun Weekender is now expected to be cancelled. You could have surprised someone you love, whatever age they were, and brought them over for up to three nights of proper choons.
When visiting, if the ferries are booked or broken, you are allowed to book a private one, like Scottish circular economy minister Lorna Slater did. She didn’t even use the CalMac ferry to go to the island of Rum, but hired a private boat instead. The Greens minister has been accused of not following her party’s own advice to use public transport.
Everyone who goes to Rum, the island, usually has a rum in Mallaig beforehand. I don’t know if she likes a dram, but I can just imagine Lorna S striding into the Steam Inn and announcing: “I’ll have a standard, please. And make it a double.”
Will Atomic Kitten make Douglas Whole Again?
Not unlike Kyle Falconer in yon Dundee band The View who, it seems, wouldn’t be out of place in any bar rammy. What came over him last week, when he went ballistic during a gig? Did you see that on-stage scrap? That looked yob-style brutal. We don’t know what needling was going on, but he knew they were on stage.
There are, however, other more pleasing music events coming up soon. I’m not talking about MacMoray 2024 next Easter, when Atomic Kitten – possibly with their superfan and wannabe performer, Douglas Ross, the Moray MP – may be headlining.
Having spoken of his fondness and his ability to sing – sorry, say – the words of famous track Whole Again, the ladies have declared a reciprocal fondness. Oh, my…
I know I have warned against politicians trying to look cool, but I’m truly hoping to see them all performing on stage together. That could make me vote – to ban all politicians from all stages in the country.
Iain Maciver is a former broadcaster and news reporter from the Outer Hebrides
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